Unveiling the Deceptive Apologies of Narcissists: Understanding the Hidden Motives

Unveiling the Deceptive Apologies of Narcissists: Understanding the Hidden Motives unveiling the deceptive apologies of narcissists: understanding the hidden motives
Photo by Steve DiMatteo on Unsplash

Today, I’ll be answering the question of what it really means when a narcissist or the abuser apologizes for their actions or behaviors.

Once in a while, during the relationship or even after you’ve left, your toxic ex may apologize. You might hear something like, “I’m sorry for what I did,” or “I won’t do it again,” they may even come to you crying, claiming to genuinely apologize for their past actions. This situation can be tricky because as an empathetic and sympathetic human being, you might feel that this person has become vulnerable and that they genuinely mean what they say. So, what are some of the common reasons why the narcissist may apologize.


When someone apologizes, they make you lower your guard, making you believe that they truly mean it. Because you once shared or you still share a bond with them, you might be inclined to welcome them back into your life. They apologize to regain control and influence over you, and once you let them back in, they continue with their manipulation and abuse. They play with your forgiving nature to make you lower your boundaries to their advantage.



Sometimes, a toxic person may apologize to avoid being seen as the bad one in the situation. They want to maintain a positive image in the eyes of others, despite their abusive behavior behind closed doors. Apologizing helps them save face and preserve their reputation. They might apologize to maintain their superficial charm and to even put you in a situation where if you don’t accept their apology, other people will perceive you as the ‘bad’ one.

Avoid Responsibility

Apologies from narcissists often come with a “but” attached to it, it’s called a stringed apology. They shift the blame onto something or someone else, not taking full ownership of their actions. It’s a way for them to avoid the consequences of their behavior and escape the responsibility that comes with genuine apology.


Lastly, they may apologize to gain your sympathy or attention. When someone apologizes and shows vulnerability, it’s natural to feel sympathetic towards them. They want to be the center of attention and have people listen to them. It feeds their fragile ego and reinforces their need for attention.


Apologies are Just Words

It’s important to remember that apologies are just words, and genuine change in behavior is what matters. Take a closer look at the instances when they’ve apologized during the relationship. Have their actions ever truly aligned with their words? If they apologize repeatedly but fail to change their behavior, it’s crucial to evaluate your own boundaries and what you’re willing to tolerate.

Setting clear boundaries and understanding what you cannot tolerate from others is essential in dealing with toxic people. Don’t let empty apologies manipulate you into accepting harmful behavior. Focus on what you can control, which is your own boundaries and what you’re willing to tolerate. Remember to assess the change in behavior rather than solely relying on words.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts, experiences and research😊.

Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 831

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *