Toxic Relationships: Why You Regret Ending That Toxic Relationship

Toxic Relationships: Why You Regret Ending That Toxic Relationship toxic relationships: why you regret ending that toxic relationship
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You did it — you finally found the courage to leave that bad situation that was hurting you deeply. Despite everything, you managed to escape that unhealthy environment where you were constantly being controlled and mistreated. You should be celebrating your newfound freedom and feeling great as you now have a chance to take care of yourself and get back to those hobbies, interests, and friendships you had sacrificed for the relationship.

Yet, for some strange reason, you feel a sinking sense of regret. Even though you know that relationship was harming you deeply, a part of you still misses the misery you’ve escaped. Why is this happening? Why can’t you just feel relieved and move on?

The Ego’s Cry for the Familiar Pain

On a deep level, your mind has gotten used to that familiar dysfunction. As unpleasant as it sounds, part of your identity was tied up in being someone who’s got to endure the pain. Your ego turned what should have been a temporary situation into a core part of who you are.

So, when you remove yourself from that toxic environment, your ego feels unsettled, almost like it’s having an identity crisis. It longs for the familiar chaos, preferring the known trauma over the uncertainty of a new start. This is why your memories can become distorted with nostalgic thoughts of the beautiful moments you had at the beginning of the relationship, downplaying the years of abuse as ‘nothing much’ or making you think “it wasn’t that bad,” while conveniently ignoring the deep pain.

Craving the Crumbs

Toxic relationships are sneaky because they give you just enough of what you need, like love or companionship, but not consistently. It’s like being hooked on something. When you finally break away from it, you might feel like you’re missing out on those small doses of care you used to get, even if they weren’t enough. It’s like feeling empty without those little signs of affection. It’s tough, like wanting a sip of water when you’re really thirsty in the desert. Instead of looking for an oasis, you end up regretting leaving the place where you were getting some tiny droplets.

From Safety to The Unknown

Leaving a toxic relationship throws you into the unknown, even if it’s better than staying. The unhealthy relationship, as terrible as it was, had become a twisted kind of comfort zone because it was predictable. Now, you’re confronted with a vast amount of instability and uncertainty, which can be really unsettling. In the relationship, you might have felt like you had a sense of direction or that you were at a certain stage in life. You might have felt like you fit in with everyone else, and people didn’t question how you were doing because you had a family.

Once you leave the relationship, you might feel scared that your false reality is crumbling, and your vulnerabilities are being laid bare. You see your friends and their families enjoying vacations and doing all those family things, while you’re dealing with the pain of the breakup. In moments like these, you might start to regret leaving and wonder if you should have just waited for things to improve or if you should have toughed it out. The destabilization is really hard for you, and you find yourself longing for the “stability” you had in that toxic relationship.


Regret is a common feeling after leaving an abusive relationship, but it will lessen as you start working on yourself and realize that it’s just your mind tricking you into living in the past. The biggest regret would be not facing your fears. It’s normal to look back and wish things were different, but dwelling on that will keep you stuck in pain.

Instead, focus on what you’re doing to make things better for yourself. The pain they caused you has been controlling your life, but as you heal and grow, you’ll celebrate the fact that you got out of it. Remember the moments when you persevered and did things you never thought you could to keep the relationship going. You sacrificed a lot, but now it’s time to sacrifice for yourself and break free from the negative beliefs holding you back. There’s no other way; your regret isn’t logical, it’s just your mind craving the familiar. Once you focus on healing and addressing the pain, the regret of leaving the toxic relationship can transform into a feeling of relief and contentment. You’ll be glad that you made the decision to leave, and you’ll finally find peace within yourself.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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