Toxic Relationships: What Do You Do When You Think You’re the Abusive One in The Relationship?

Toxic Relationships: What Do You Do When You Think You’re the Abusive One in The Relationship? toxic relationships: what do you do when you think you’re the abusive one in the relationship?
Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

Today, I’ll be addressing the question of what to do when you think you’re the abusive one in the relationship and admit that every time you’re angry or reacting to your partner’s actions, you might have broken a few cups, thrown a few plates, punched the wall, kicked the furniture, and engaged in similar behaviors that feel inconsistent with your true self or who you were before. You just feel that these actions are not in alignment with your character. What do you do?

Actually, there are two instances here. The first thing is, don’t be too hard on yourself. Typically, when you’re in a relationship and you recognize that you might be the abusive one, it’s a good place to be because you are acknowledging that your actions are not good or are harmful. It’s essential to be honest with yourself about the harm you may be causing to your partner. When you acknowledge that something is harmful, it means there’s room for correction. So, don’t be too hard on yourself and use that realization as a catalyst for positive change.

If you find that you cannot control your anger issues, are overly suspicious, or engaging in stalking behaviors, and you genuinely want to overcome these issues to improve the relationship, it’s the best time to seek help. If you’ve tried to address these issues on your own or with your partner without success, seeking help from a professional becomes crucial. Sometimes, the root causes of these behaviors are buried in your subconscious mind, and professional assistance can help you work on them.

When certain negative beliefs, unhealed wounds, or underlying issues are driving your current behaviors, seeking help is essential. Your deep-seated beliefs may lead to isolating yourself or misinterpreting healthy discussions with your partner. Admitting that you are the one with abusive tendencies means you can take proactive steps to deal with it. It’s not just about acknowledgment but also about awareness and taking action.


In another scenario, if you feel you are the abusive one in an abusive relationship, it may be because you’ve been manipulated to believe so by your abusive partner. They may use intimidation tactics to provoke reactions from you, leading to what is known as reactive abuse. Your partner then uses your reactions against you, calling you the abuser. In such cases, it’s crucial to be watchful and recognize that you might be manipulated.

Being called the abusive one by an abusive person doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. They might be manipulating you to shift blame. If you’re questioning your role in the relationship, it indicates your conscience is intact, and you can grow beyond it. Don’t let an abusive person’s accusations define you. Instead, view your actions as a means of self-protection. Once you leave that toxic environment, work on addressing any toxic behaviors you may have picked up.

Toxic behaviors can be contagious, but with self-awareness and addressing the underlying pain, you can cultivate a calm demeanor even in challenging situations. Don’t be too hard on yourself; seek ways to deal with it.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 843

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *