Toxic Relationships: Remembering the Bad Times to Help You Move on From an Abusive Relationship

Toxic Relationships: Remembering the Bad Times to Help You Move on From an Abusive Relationship toxic relationships: remembering the bad times to help you move on from an abusive relationship
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Today, I’ll be exploring one of the common pieces of advice we often come across in forums or even from friends, especially after leaving an abusive relationship. This advice suggests that if you want to go back or are tempted to call them, your friend might tell you, “Remember the bad things they did to you, the physical abuse, the emotional and verbal abuse.” Is this advice a very good one?

Early Stages of Moving On

In the early stages of a relationship, especially when you’re not feeling very strong or don’t fully understand yourself, the advice to remember the pain from past mistreatment isn’t a bad idea. It can actually be quite helpful because it gives you the motivation to stay away. When you think about the pain you’d go through by going back to that situation, it makes facing loneliness or the aftermath of a breakup seem like a more bearable alternative. Remembering what you went through serves as a powerful reminder, fueling the determination to avoid going back to that toxic environment. It becomes a way of prioritizing your own well-being and moving forward, steering clear of past hurts.

It is Not Enough — Retraumatizing Yourself

However, relying solely on remembering the pain is not a long-term solution because you are still hurting yourself. Imagine this — remembering the pain they put you through means revisiting those moments. In the present moment, you are getting re-traumatized. Revisiting the hurt, even if it’s for drawing inferences on why you shouldn’t go back, can lead to being hurt again, crying a lot, or feeling really traumatized. It’s similar to experiencing a past situation all over again in the current moment. This tends to occur, particularly when you haven’t confronted or overcome the pain you endured before. Remembering is comparable to scratching an old wound without properly addressing and allowing it to heal. In other words, when you recall those painful memories without dealing with the emotions tied to them, it’s like reopening an old wound without giving it the care and attention it needs to fully recover.

Better Approach — Healing the Pain

The better approach is to work on your underlying issues and process the pain you remember. Processing this pain means you become rooted in your current reality, understanding your boundaries, and knowing that you don’t need to expose yourself to a painful environment to live peacefully in the present moment. You recognize that your true nature is to be at peace, without the need to hurt yourself.

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Focusing on healing the pain, rather than just remembering what they did to you, is crucial. When you heal the pain, you grow through it. Using the pain as a constant reminder keeps you living in the past, potentially getting stuck and re-traumatizing yourself. While it’s okay to use that strategy initially, always strive to build inner strength. Reach a point where you have high self-esteem, trust yourself, believe in yourself, love yourself, and know that you have your own back. This way, you can see beyond manipulation and lies, ensuring that no one can take advantage of you.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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