Toxic Relationships — Avoidance of Conflict Doesn’t Make the Relationship Better?

Toxic Relationships — Avoidance of Conflict Doesn’t Make the Relationship Better? toxic relationships — avoidance of conflict doesn’t make the relationship better?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Have you ever realized that one of the key elements that enable toxic relationships or abusive relationships is avoidance?

Avoidance, in this context, refers to pushing aside conflicts that naturally arise in relationships. Conflicts are inevitable when two individuals with unique preferences and perspectives come together. You may initially be drawn to each other based on attraction, but as you spend more time together, differences will emerge- this can be preferences, personality, needs and desires.

In healthy relationships, these conflicts aren’t ignored or swept under the rug; instead, they’re addressed and resolved in a constructive manner. Both parties engage in open communication, listening to each other’s perspectives, and working together to find mutually beneficial solutions. This approach leads to better understanding, trust, and growth within the relationship.

In a toxic relationship, one person usually holds the power while the other feels intimidated or controlled. This creates a situation where one is the abuser and the other is the victim. The abuser often refuses to compromise or change their behavior, while the victim ends up constantly giving in to avoid conflict or harm. This unequal dynamic keeps the abuser in control and leaves the victim feeling trapped and powerless.

When conflicts arise in such situations, such as when the abused requests the abuser to change certain behaviors, it typically leads to further conflict. But now because someone who is abusive is so self-absorbed and they always feel that they are right, of course, they will not change and they will not even listen to you. So what happens? The abused now will realize that actually the best thing to maintain peace in this household because the other person doesn’t understand them or doesn’t see logic in the situation is to just avoid conflict. Avoiding Conflict ‘Works’

When you avoid conflicts for that brief moment, of course, the conflict will not be there because you will not be discussing something that can’t have a ‘sober’ solution. It has a sober solution, but because you understand your partner is not understanding or empathetic enough, is just so self-absorbed, do you understand that? Even if you raise it, what’s the point?

Now because you understand that if you raise anything in the relationship, it will be pushed away and you will not reach any point of agreement, you just get to this point of avoiding raising issues. Because by avoiding raising issues you will be avoiding conflict. So it will provide you with this temporary sense of peace or illusionary sense of peace in the relationship. Because you are not raising your concerns.

Avoidance Breeds Resentment

When you don’t raise your concerns, you neglect yourself, not them. Neglecting yourself leads to feelings of anger and resentment, whether it’s because someone else doesn’t listen to you or because you fail to listen to your own true voice.

All these feelings and unresolved conflicts don’t simply disappear; instead, they become internalized and accumulate within you. Eventually, you may reach a point where you feel like you’ve lost your voice altogether. What began as a small conflict can escalate into a situation where you feel silenced and powerless.

Avoidance Enables the Abuse

Avoidance enables abuse by creating a dynamic where the abuser recognizes that their actions go unchallenged. When the victim stops raising concerns or defending themselves, the abuser perceives an opportunity to push boundaries further. This can escalate from emotional manipulation to physical abuse, as the abuser sees no resistance or consequences for their behavior. The more the abused remains silent or passive, the more encouraged the abuser becomes. This cycle perpetuates itself, with the victim enduring increasing levels of abuse while the abuser becomes more aggressive. It all stems from the initial avoidance of addressing conflicts and setting boundaries, allowing the toxic relationship to thrive.


Avoidance is really a crucial factor in toxic relationships. When conflicts and issues are constantly swept under the rug instead of being addressed, it signifies an unhealthy relationship. If a relationship consistently relies on avoiding problems rather than resolving them, it’s not a healthy relationship at all. Over time, this pattern can lead to a shift in the dynamic, ultimately resulting in an abusive relationship.

So, avoiding conflict can erode your sense of self-worth and make you feel voiceless. When you consistently avoid addressing issues, it can lead to a buildup of resentment and frustration within yourself. Do not avoid conflict thinking that it will end the conflict. Avoiding conflict will lead to inner conflict and it will lead to you being mistreated and being used.

If issues in a relationship consistently go unresolved, regardless of whether they’re addressed immediately or with some delay, it indicates an underlying problem. It’s natural for conflicts to arise in any relationship, but what matters is how they’re handled. When concerns go unvoiced out of fear of conflict, gradually shifts the relationship into toxic territory.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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