The Danger of a Rebound Relationship After Leaving an Abusive Relationship

The Danger of a Rebound Relationship After Leaving an Abusive Relationship the danger of a rebound relationship after leaving an abusive relationship
Photo by René Ranisch on Unsplash

You’ve finally gotten away from that toxic and manipulative partner who tore apart your emotions and made you feel like a shell of your former self. You’re feeling much better and freer. Congratulations on surviving that atrocious environment! You might feel tempted to seek out a new partner out of excitement or to escape the pain. However, it’s important to understand that neither extreme should drive you to rush into a new rebound relationship. I know the urge to be with someone new comes from wanting to escape the deep fears and insecurities or the loneliness that the abuse leaves behind.

It’s Okay to Crave a Rebound Relationship

You’re craving that closeness and someone to listen to you on those cold nights or to help heal the raw, inner wounds. It might seem like a good idea to have someone who can assist you with practical matters, like paying your bills or helping out with the kids, or just enjoying the convenience that comes with a relationship.*et9czc*_ga*MTkxNjcxMDU2NC4xNjg1MDA1MjYw*_ga_6LJN6D94N6*MTY5ODczNDU3OC4yMjQuMC4xNjk4NzM0NTc4LjAuMC4w

I understand — it’s so logical, and your friends and family might even advise you to seek out a rebound so you can regain a sense of being wanted. They want you to ‘move on’ quickly, and they might even try to set you up with someone they see as ‘good.’ They’re, of course, coming from a place of care, and your mind might even align with their advice. However, today I’d like to share the hard truth about rebound relationships and why it should be the last thing on your mind to jump straight into the dating scene or even download apps like Bumble to start looking for matches.

Hurt you will bleed on an ‘Innocent’ Human Being

When you follow that path, it’s more like pouring gasoline on those open emotional cuts. The hard truth is: you’re still not your normal self yet after that nightmare or that shock you’ve been through. No matter how kind your next partner is, you’re nowhere close to being ready to let them in without hurting them too. It’s the classic “hurt people hurt people” situation — you’ll be emotionally unavailable, bitter, taking out baggage on them, lashing out over tiny things that trigger you. It’s like moving into a new home but bringing all your old, damaged furniture — it’s going to mess up the fresh start. Your new rebound relationship may help you suppress those emotions, but for how long are you willing to suppress those emotions? And wouldn’t it benefit you more to just process or let go of those emotions?

You can as well think of it like this: you wouldn’t take a car that just got rear-ended and start driving across the country without fixing it first, right? That’s basically what a rebound relationship is — expecting your bruised heart and mind to safely bring someone new along before addressing the damage. You need to do a full rebuild and ‘repairs’ on yourself before getting back into the dating scene.

Deep down, you know you’re not bringing your healthy, best self to a new partner right now. You’re still emotionally distorted and feeling lost after surviving that torturous environment. Trying to fake it and push through will only breed anger and resentment, and you’ll even end up sabotaging things subconsciously.

You Pick What You Believe About Yourself

There’s another major danger to quickly rebounding that can’t be ignored. Without proper healing first, there’s a much higher probability you’ll simply attract another toxic, abusive relationship.

Think about it — you left your abusive nightmare, but you’re still the same person on the inside. All those negative core beliefs about yourself and destructive patterns that blinded you to the red flags in the first place? Those haven’t gone anywhere yet. You’re still wearing those distorted lenses that allowed you to rationalize and ignore the abuse before.

You might logically know all the classic narcissistic traits and manipulative tactics to look out for now. But with that blindfold of deep-seated insecurities and distorted self-worth still firmly in place, you won’t actually follow that logic. Your subconscious will find a way to excuse, minimize or flat-out ignore those obvious red flags you “know” you need to avoid.

Before you can truly see a new partner’s true colors, you have to heal enough to rip off those lenses or that distorted inner compass. Otherwise, you’ll keep stubbornly clinging to bone-deep beliefs like “I don’t deserve better” or “This is as good as it gets for me.” They say, “Do not drink and drive, or do not drink and operate heavy machinery.” The same principle applies to relationships: do not jump into a relationship when you’re intoxicated with pain, as it will cloud your judgment. Sober up first, and then consider entering the dating scene.

So you might start a new relationship with someone who seems healthyish at first. But sooner rather than later, your unprocessed emotional issues will start subconsciously seeking out those familiar toxicity patterns again. You’ll likely end up overlooking more red flags, making the same rationalizations as before until — bam! You’ve manifested yet another narcissistic, abusive relationship disaster.

As the saying goes, “Until you heal the wounds of your past, you’ll continue manifesting the same experiences.” Trying to date without doing that inner work first is basically guaranteeing you’ll repeat the cycle with a new toxic partner. Don’t put yourself through that retraumatizing agony again.


You deserve better. You’ve been through a lot of pain, and if there’s someone who deserves a break from it, it’s you. Sometimes, getting that break may mean you stop listening to ‘expert’ advice telling you to seek a relationship so you can heal together, and instead, commit to healing what’s already visibly there. You really don’t need another relationship to show you what to heal; you need to heal what’s already been exposed. And if you don’t know how to do that, seek help; you will find it. It’s not as hard as your so-called experts have deemed it to be.

It may feel painful ripping that band-aid off, but that’s where healing begins — by allowing yourself to feel and release. You deserve it. Face the aloneness, and in doing so, you’ll find peace with yourself. Jump into a rebound relationship, and you might get temporary relief, but you’ll end up stuck in the pain forever. The choice is yours: which path are you willing to take? Bleeding on others or bleeding away the pain and finding lasting relief from your past experiences? Happy healing.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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