Taking Back Your Life: How to Heal and Move Forward After an Abusive Relationship

Taking Back Your Life: How to Heal and Move Forward After an Abusive Relationship taking back your life: how to heal and move forward after an abusive relationship
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Leaving an abusive relationship can be a challenging and traumatic experience, but it is also an important step in healing and moving forward with life. The relationship may leave you with deep emotional scars that can take some time to heal. You may feel lost, overwhelmed, confused, isolated, alone, and scared, but you don’t have to stay stuck in the past. Taking back your life is possible, and there are steps you can take to begin the healing process.


With the right support, you can start to move forward, reclaim your inner strength, and live a life free from fear and abuse. It may look impossible to do so because you’re traumatized and they’ve ruined your self-worth but the moment you are committed and you acknowledge that it’s your job to heal, you will start seeing light at the end of the tunnel. So, what are some of the steps you can take that will help you heal after leaving an abusive relationship.

1. Coping and Processing the trauma

The first step towards healing after leaving an abusive relationship is to seek out help and support. Therapy is a great way to process your trauma and gain a new perspective on your painful experience. It can also help you release any pent-up emotions you may be holding onto, deal with any negative self-talk, and work through the constant feeling of shame and guilt for what you’ve been put through.

Proper kind of therapy can provide you with a safe space to process those past hurts and to clear those negative beliefs you have about yourself. Once you process those past hurts, you will be more present in your life and your past will not be running your life. You will be looking at life from a different lens and not from the that lens which has been blurred by past betrayals in your relationships. Processing your trauma is more of clearing the effect of those traumatic memories in your present life.

In instances where you cannot fully process your trauma or you can’t find appropriate professional help, you can find healthy coping mechanisms and one thing that will help you is adopting a strong self-care routine. You can start small by setting time aside each day to do something you enjoy or something which just lifts your spirits (healthy options). This can be anything from meditating, practicing mindfulness, to reading a book, to connecting with nature.

You can also look into joining a support group and connect with other survivors of abuse who can provide you with a safe space to share your story. These groups can be very helpful and they can provide a much-needed sense of belonging, especially if you don’t have many friends who understand what you are going through. They can also help you process your emotions, find new ways of looking at your experience, and meet others who are going through similar experiences and thriving.

2. Reclaiming your power

An abusive relationship strips you of your power, and it can take a long time to feel in control of your life again. Taking back control can be a gradual process and it starts with small steps like setting and upholding your boundaries and reconnecting with who you are and what you deserve. You may have allowed your partner to dictate every aspect of your life during the relationship, and once you process your past hurts, you now need to step up for you.


Where possible, cut off all contact with your abusive ex and if that’s not possible set and uphold clear boundaries with them. If you feel they’re threatening you, and they’re not respecting your boundaries, you can of course look into getting a protection order, which can help you feel safer and more in control.

If you’re co-parenting together, you may limit your communication to emails only just to make it hard for them to reach you. You can also reclaim your power by setting goals and focusing on your future, the kind of future you deserve to live. There are endless possibilities due to this newly found sense of freedom.

3. Taking positive steps to move forward

You may have been stuck in the past, but once you’ve reclaimed your power, it’s time to forge the best way forward in your life. The relationship may have stopped you from pursuing you goals and dreams. You sacrificed all of your interests as you tried to make them happy but now you’re free to live.

You can start by setting positive, achievable and exciting goals. You may want to focus on finding financial freedom, finishing school, finding a new job, reconnecting with positive people in your life, or reconnecting with yourself. You can also look into doing things that will help you move forward and start feeling joyful again.

Try taking up a new hobby, reconnecting with an old skill that you loved, or taking some sort of course. Don’t stop there, you can continue your journey of personal growth to deeply understand yourself.


Healing is a process and sometimes you may feel like you are not making any noticeable progress but that shouldn’t stop you from giving your all. You’re doing it for you, the you who’s been through a lot. When you really feel hopeless or saddened because of the time you ‘wasted’ in the relationship, look at the time you have left and how best you can best utilize it and find inner peace in your life.

Don’t get discouraged if you are not moving forward as quickly as you would like. Be patient with yourself but also take action, even if you try one healing modality and it doesn’t produce the results you want, try another and another one till you find one that suits you. Don’t resign to the lies (like “therapy doesn’t work”) your mind will feed you with because that’s the place where your current ego wants you to be, stuck and not making progress. Keep working on it and be gentle on yourself.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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