Signs Your Past Relationship is Still Affecting Your Current Relationship

Signs Your Past Relationship is Still Affecting Your Current Relationship signs your past relationship is still affecting your current relationship
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Relationships can be beautiful when both parties are fully present, grow together and challenge one another to be themselves. But most times we find ourselves physically in the relationship but emotionally and mentally we’re still with our past Ex.

It’s like being in two relationships concurrently and this mostly happens if your past relationship was a toxic one or did not end really well. When you start a new relationship without healing and shedding the emotional baggage from you past toxic relationship, you will not be fully emotionally present in your new relationship.

Your new relationship may not be toxic but you may find yourself not fully happy or deeply contented with where you are. The memories of our past relationship will always linger for far too long after we’ve left a relationship but those memories need not to stop us from enjoying the present relationship.

This baggage will be heavier if you were in a toxic relationship and you may find yourself engaging in certain behaviors which hold your relationship back. There are two paths to take when one leaves a toxic relationship: the first is healing and learning the valuable lessons which will of course positively impact our future relationships and even make them better.

The second path is where we jump into another relationship without processing those painful emotions which means that we will still be carrying with us those limiting beliefs and fresh wounds from the past relationship, and this will negatively affect our current relationship. So how do you tell if you past relationship is affecting your current relationship?

1. You Find it Really Hard to Trust

When you are in a new relationship and you cannot trust your partner, this simply means the memories of how you were betrayed in the past are still so fresh. You probably have this deeply-rooted belief that people are to be trusted and that if you trust them, they will just betray you like it happened in the past.

Trust is earned over time but when you’re still looking at your present life from the eyes of the past, you will find it really hard to build that trust because your foundation is still shaky. You will also find yourself being overly suspicious of your partner.

2. You’re Afraid of Commitments

Your current relationship might be what you’ve really longed for a long time but you still can’t put both feet in that relationship. It’s more like one foot is in and the other is outside the relationship just in case something happens.

Your lack of commitment will also be evident when you’re hardly putting any effort towards the growth of that relationship. You just have this deep feeling that the relationship will end just like your past relationships, so why bother. This crippling fear stems from the fact that you fully committed in the past and it didn’t go so well and so it’s better to just hang in there.

3. You Cannot Enjoy Some Things in Life as They Remind you of your Ex

When you are in a relationship, you’ll mostly have shared experiences or hobbies which you really enjoy and love doing. When you’ve not shed the emotional baggage from the past, you will try so hard to avoid instances or situations which remind you of your Ex.

Even when you do those things, you may find yourself just overwhelmed with emotions and feeling sad about it. Your current partner might also want you to do something together like say going to the movies but you just can’t do it as it triggers this negative wave of emotions. In fact, this is why it’s great to heal so that you can enjoy your current life with your partner without the past limiting you.

4. You Experience Imposter Syndrome Frequently

Imposter syndrome in a relationship is where you feel that you’re not near good enough to be with your partner or you don’t deserve a healthy relationship. It’s a situation where you will constantly struggle with self-doubt and feel like a fraud.

This is because you’re not used to living in a state where someone cares about you or listens to you. You can’t come to terms with the fact that ‘you of all people’ now has a supportive partner. The root of imposter syndrome is your past where you were treated in all kinds of cruel ways and you still carry with you the deep beliefs that you’re not worthy of love or you’re not good enough.

When you have imposter syndrome you will find yourself trying so hard not to make a mistake in that relationship. You will also have these negative thoughts that you’re just going to ruin it just like you did in the past relationships.

5. You Hold Back or Avoid Intimacy

Intimacy is more sharing close emotional or physically ties with someone. Your past may unconsciously or consciously make you avoid being intimate with someone as you can’t seem to allow yourself the openness & vulnerability.

This is more like a defense mechanism that prevents you from getting hurt. Lack of intimacy will bring problems in your current relationship as you will not feel the deep connections which a relationship is supposed to bring.

The bond in the relationship will not blossom as you will not be comfortable and there will be no anchor against the tides. This is because you’re always on guard just in case something negative happens. Some signs that your past if affecting your intimacy include things like avoiding physical contact, holding back during sex, not sharing your feelings or even avoiding those hard conversations.

It’s just more like avoiding or holding back on the instances that provide the deep connection which is necessary when building a relationship.

6. You find it Really Hard to Express Yourself

When you are in a new relationship and you find it really hard to express your thoughts or voice your opinions to your partner, it simply means the past toxic relationship has its hand on that. This is because at the back of your mind you’re still using the memory of how you were constantly shut down when you tried to express yourself.

You might have been called names or verbally abused in countless ways that you now feel your opinions or thoughts do not matter so you just keep it to yourself. You also do this so as to avoid any healthy arguments or confrontations which may arise out of fear.

Being in a relationship in this state will mean that you will constantly be piling up problems in the relationship instead of solving them in a timely manner. Also, when you find it hard expressing yourself, it simply makes it hard for you to understand one another which will of course lead to more conflicts.


There are countless instances in which you past relationship will affect your present relationship and that’s why it’s always great to give yourself time to heal after leaving a relationship, especially if it was toxic. It is not worth it being in a relationship where you’re not actually there.

If you haven’t properly addressed the emotional baggage from the past, it will always show up in your current relationship. Having memories from the past is normal but it should not heavily weigh you down as you try to build new connections in life.

It will be hard for you to have authentic connections that last if you don’t heal the unresolved relationship trauma. That’s why it is always best to deal with your past relationship before starting a new one. Remember, your past does not have to negatively affect your current relationship and if it does, let it be for the better.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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