Rethinking Boundaries: Dispelling the Myth That Setting Boundaries Equals Disobedience (Myth 2)

Rethinking Boundaries: Dispelling the Myth That Setting Boundaries Equals Disobedience (Myth 2) rethinking boundaries: dispelling the myth that setting boundaries equals disobedience (myth 2)

When it comes to setting boundaries, you might feel that you’re being rebellious or disobedient. Today, we’ll be discussing the second myth when it comes to setting and upholding healthy boundaries in life, which is that setting boundaries is a sign of disobedience. For example, when your parents ask you for money, even when you know you’re broke or in a tight financial position, and you deeply don’t want to send them the money, your refusal may seem like you’re not listening to what your parents are saying or not ‘honoring’ them. Another example is when you simply don’t want to get married, but because they’ve said it or even looked for a spouse for you, you end up obeying them without really listening to your inner voice.

Then, as you learn about boundaries or start to realize that you are autonomous and have unique needs and desires, you begin standing up for yourself, which they may see as a sign of disobedience. After all, in your boundaryless past, you used to listen to them without even a whiff of objection. You were an ‘obedient’ and ‘good child’, but now your awareness of your boundaries will definitely shift you to the side of those children who never listen to their parents. So, are boundaries a sign of disobedience?

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To others, to those around you, you will definitely be perceived as being disobedient. You used to listen and follow along in the past, but now you’re standing up for yourself, which will not bode well with those who were used to having you as that one person they can ‘rely’ on (or exploit). Your parents or your loved ones will probably be angered by your rebellious spirit when you say no to their never-ending demands or when you simply stop following along with what they demand. It’s very normal for them to see your rebellious spirit of standing up for yourself as an act of disobedience from their own perspective. But what’s not okay is you thinking that safeguarding your well-being is not something you ought to do.

Lack of boundaries = Real Disobedience

When you say yes when deep inside you wanted to say no, you are already disobeying or not honoring your true voice. Your outer obedience will always be nullified by the resentment or the rebellion that’s boiling inside you, especially when you feel that you should be doing the contrary of what you’re doing. So, you’re already being disobedient to yourself when you don’t follow along with your true innermost needs and desires. Your compliance on the outside is not really a sign of your obedience or you being a ‘good child’; it’s mostly a mask for the resentment you’re harboring deep inside you. In the grand scheme of things, an internal clear no will always nullify an external yes. You’re simply lying when you comply and do not follow along with your authentic voice.

Conclusion

Having healthy boundaries will definitely shake things up or alter the dynamics of the relationships you had in the past, as you’re becoming someone who prioritizes their own wellbeing. You will definitely not be your parents or your loved ones’ favorite, especially when they had gotten used to you doing their bidding without question or objection. When you obey simply because you don’t want to appear disobedient, you’re already disobeying yourself.

You are simply making things worse and lying to the one person who deserves the truth and knows the truth, which is yourself. So, it may not be easy to be called rebellious or disobedient, but it’s better to take that than dishonor your true voice. With boundaries, you will not be everyone’s favorite, but you will be the favorite to the person who matters most in your life, which is yourself.

For those of you eager to explore the intricate world of boundaries, I have an exciting announcement: our Boundaries course has officially launched! In this course, we will dive deeper into the art of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in real time. You can expect in-depth insights, practical strategies, and a comprehensive understanding of how to navigate the intricacies of boundaries. Click on the link, and let’s embark on this journey to empower you with the tools to foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships and a better quality of life.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

References

  1. Cloud, Henry; Townsend, John. Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life (p. 108- 110). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.
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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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