Relationship Problems: Why Do We Love Those Who Don’t Love Us Back?

Relationship Problems: Why Do We Love Those Who Don’t Love Us Back? relationship problems: why do we love those who don’t love us back?
Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash

Have you ever shared your deepest feelings with someone, only for them to respond with coldness or rejection? This often happens in unhealthy relationships where you give everything you have, even sacrificing your own happiness and well-being, yet receive nothing in return. The pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back is something many of us have felt. But why do we keep holding on to people who don’t give us the love we need?

If we truly reflect on our feelings, we might discover that beneath the surface of our professed love lie unresolved fears and deep-seated insecurities. Ask yourself: Are you genuinely loving this person, or are you simply afraid of being alone? Is it possible that you’ve tied your self-worth to their love and approval?

Our unconscious mind can sometimes lead us astray. You might find yourself drawn to partners who are unavailable, almost as if you’re sabotaging yourself. Why subject yourself to constant rejection? It could be because deep down, a part of you believes you don’t deserve to be loved and cherished. So, you end up chasing after illusions of love that never quite materialize.

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For some, being infatuated with someone who’s out of reach creates a fantasy connection where you don’t have to be truly vulnerable. As long as your idealized partner stays unreachable, you can avoid facing their flaws and humanity. You hold onto a perfect image that doesn’t reflect reality. It might be because you’re scared of opening up or being vulnerable, so instead of risking it, you stick to a fantasy and never really try to build a real relationship with them.

You might unknowingly be replaying old experiences of abandonment, rejection, or neglect from your past. Even though it hurts, being denied love by a partner who can’t give it back might feel oddly familiar and even comforting in a twisted way. This repetition of familiar patterns, despite the pain they bring, can feel safer than venturing into the unknown territory of a healthy, reciprocated relationship.

So, there are a lot of reasons that may drive you to loving someone who doesn’t love you back, but that’s not where the solution lies. The solution is finding the root cause that led to the development of these deeply ingrained beliefs. You’ve been living with these beliefs, and they’ve become part of your identity. You can also unlearn them and start adopting new supporting beliefs, but that requires you to do some work, far beyond what you’re consciously aware of.

In the end, persistently loving those who don’t love us back is a form of deep self-neglect and self-rejection. When we examine our reasons honestly, we might discover that we don’t truly love the other person as much as we fear loving ourselves. It’s only by cultivating strong self-worth that we can free ourselves to let go and make room for someone who will truly appreciate the unique gift of who we are.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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