Relationship Problems: When your Partner Goes for Therapy Just to Prove a Point

Relationship Problems: When your Partner Goes for Therapy Just to Prove a Point relationship problems: when your partner goes for therapy just to prove a point
Photo by Justin Groep on Unsplash

Hello, today I’d like to talk about this interesting aspect: what do you do when your abusive partner goes for therapy? Or rather, this aspect of understanding that sometimes people may go for therapy to prove a point. Let’s say you are in this abusive or toxic relationship.

Let’s say your partner is an addict of some sort or is just having mental issues, and these mental issues are causing harm to you because they are mistreating you. They might be lashing out at you, they might be angry, they may be furious when you make a mistake, they are so unforgiving, just a typical toxic relationship.

So you nudge them, you push them, you set ultimatums, like, “Hey, if you don’t go for therapy tomorrow, I’ll leave you.” You give them ultimatums, and then they give in and say, “Okay, I’m going for therapy.”

Of course, you’ll feel awesome, thinking, “Now my partner wants to change their behaviors.” And you will finally will have a relationship you’ve always desired, where you’re being listened to because they have dealt with their mental health issues and all that stuff. So, you will feel this sort of relief.

And in fact, most of the time, you’ll find yourself being the one who’s sponsoring the therapy. And sometimes you can go with them, maybe you can drop them at the therapy session because you’re so excited. But is that really enough?

Going to Prove A Point

Actually, there is something about therapy which you need to know about. Like sometimes someone can go for therapy to prove a point. This normally happens when you force someone or you push someone to go for therapy. They may just go for therapy. Let’s say they might go and look for hypnotherapists, but they’re not really going because they want to change or because they have this deep desire to change. No, they just go in there to prove a point. They just want to go there for two sessions and they are like, “Ah, I tried. I tried going and doing hypnosis to stop smoking and it doesn’t work.” So what happens is someone might go for therapy just because they want to prove a point, not because they want to change; they want to show you that nothing works for them.

Therapy Doesn’t Work

So someone who is manipulative may at times go for therapy when you push them so much, especially because you want to keep the relationship. But they may go for therapy not because they want to change; it’s because they want to discredit the therapy. They want to just get to this point where at least they now have evidence to tell you that, “Hey, you see, I tried and it doesn’t work.”

Them Going For Therapy Gives Your ‘Hope’

And what happens is this now becomes your own justification for staying in the relationship. Let’s say they go for therapy, they are now in the fourth, fifth, sixth session and then of course, they are still mistreating you but they have this perfect alibi of like, “At least I’m going for therapy.” But they don’t have the deep desire to change because to them, the relationship is still serving them.

The relationship is not serving you. Of course, in an unconscious way, it’s still serving you because you are afraid of being abandoned, you are afraid of being lonely, you are afraid of being alone and all those things. Like you are benefiting from this relationship, even if it’s harmful to you, but you are not really getting what is necessary to be in a healthy relationship.

Therapy as a Self-Preservation

So what often occurs is a form of self-preservation where your partner seeks therapy merely to demonstrate to you that they are making an effort to salvage the relationship or to string you along in hopes of future change. This situation can be incredibly challenging because you may find yourself enduring mistreatment and poor treatment without any other justifications or excuses. You will be sticking to the relationship and tolerating abusive behavior because they are ‘getting better’ or ‘changing.’

You’re The one Who Needs to Change

That’s why it’s crucial to take a close look at yourself and your own actions. The one who truly needs to change is not your partner — it’s you. The fact that you’re pushing them to go to therapy indicates that you’re placing all your hopes on them to change, rather than taking responsibility for your own growth. You’re relying on them not to mistreat you, rather than asserting your boundaries, setting ultimatums, or recognizing your worth and how you deserve to be treated.

Walking Away is the greatest ‘Love’

Actually, sometimes walking away or speaking up and saying, “You know what, you might be seeking therapy, but I can’t continue like this,” can be more impactful in inspiring change than waiting for them to change while you remain in the relationship. Sometimes, this approach can be even more effective than staying and hoping for their transformation. So it’s not necessarily about whether someone is undergoing therapy. There’s no guarantee that waiting for them to change while enduring hurtful behavior is the right approach. As long as you’re experiencing pain today, you’ll likely continue to experience it tomorrow. This realization can be the catalyst for focusing on your own personal growth and well-being.

What if They Really Change?

Even if they undergo therapy and make positive changes, you may still carry a significant amount of negative emotions and resentment, and you may continue to neglect prioritizing yourself. Therefore, it’s essential to seek therapy for yourself. Rather than focusing on pushing someone else to seek therapy, concentrate on your own well-being. Sometimes, despite external motivation, individuals may lack the inherent drive to change, which can lead to prolonged abusive situations if you’re waiting for them to change. Instead, you should be the one to initiate change by understanding your boundaries and addressing the pain caused by the abusive individual.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 844

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *