Relationship Problems: What are You Lacking for them to Treat You Badly?

Relationship Problems: What are You Lacking for them to Treat You Badly? relationship problems: what are you lacking for them to treat you badly?
Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Let’s first understand one thing: the abuse is not really about you. It’s not about you lacking something because if you look at the relationship, they told you to do this, and you did it. You did a lot of things to try to impress them. You might have changed your religion, changed your career, changed your towns, had kids together, got married, made it official, impressed their in-laws, gave them money — you did all those things. You even overstrained, sacrificed to the point of sacrificing your life for them, but they kept abusing you. Because you always thought that if I just do what they are telling me to do, maybe they will stop, but you are always lacking. Why is it that you are always lacking? Like you could not really satisfy them, or you could not really do all those things that would make them stop the abuse.

The thing is, it’s not about you, and it’s not about what you do; it’s about what they do. It’s about them deep inside. I want you to imagine something: a very, very deep void of emptiness, of loneliness — a void so deep to the point where you just pour things in, like an abyss. You just pour things on the inside, and nothing will ever fill it. That’s the same thing. So, it doesn’t matter what you do to an abusive person. You can do all those things to them, care for them, buy them everything, give them all your money, give them the money of your children, give them everything, sacrifice yourself, but they will never be satisfied. This is because satisfaction doesn’t come from outside things; it comes from inwards. When someone is deeply dissatisfied on an inner level, they’ll keep looking and looking and looking and looking.

That’s the same thing with abusive people. On a deeper level, they have this deep feeling of emptiness. They’ve not really gone inside and really faced this. The more you give them, the more it widens this hole or the more it just consumes all these things, but it doesn’t bring satisfaction. It’s like when you are starting to use sugar, and then you take the first spoon. As you keep going, you end up adding more and more spoons. It will get to the point where you’re not even feeling the taste of the sugar. You think that the more you add sugar, the tastier it becomes, but it gets to the point where just adding sugar, and you don’t feel it. The same thing when you are empty on an inner level — nothing on the outside will satisfy you, but you think it will.

However sadistic or hurtful it is, they think that they need something more and more. The more and more is them exploiting you, getting satisfaction in that, talking for that. But on an inner level, there’s no satisfaction.

So, it’s not you who is lacking; it’s them who are lacking that inner satisfaction. So, there’s nothing you can do that will help them or that will stop them from having that craving. The only thing they can do is for them to do the inner work, to deal with this craving. This craving mostly arises from unhealed wounds, fear of abandonment, and all those things they’ve never faced — all those fears, bitterness, resentment — they’ve never faced.

Yes, they may have been through terrible traumatic experiences in the past, but still, that is not your job. Your job is to take care of you. So, no amount of giving them or looking for the thing which is lacking in you to make them stop being abusive will stop them being abusive. They’ll keep looking because they are looking for the wrong solution. The solution is with them, and that’s a really, really hard place to go for someone who’s used to abuse, someone who’s used to exploiting others. They really fear going deeper because the more you go away from going deeper, the more it becomes really hard for you to go, the more it becomes darker.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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