Parental Alienation: How Do Toxic People Weaponize Your Children?

Parental Alienation: How Do Toxic People Weaponize Your Children? parental alienation: how do toxic people weaponize your children?
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Today, I’ll be answering the question of how toxic people weaponize your kids. By toxic people, I mean that if you are or if you were in an abusive relationship and you have kids with your abusive ex, and you’re co-parenting with them, you may feel that your kids are being weaponized. By weaponized, I mean that your kids are being used as tools to attack you. So, what are some of the strategies they use? Once you learn about these strategies, you’ll be able to understand how they do it and maybe understand what it takes to really protect yourself from them.

Temporary Gratification

One of the things they might do is something with regards to pleasure. This is a very indirect one. Pleasure here means that they may give kids something the kids want, like video games or junk food. Kids love these things, and because you are a conscious parent, you want to take care of your kids’ health. You may not be offering them these things; you may offer them healthier options like fresh juices or smoothies. However, your abusive ex may offer your kids things that offer temporary gratification, like watching TV for a long time or buying them junk food. They do things to make your kids enjoy the moment, so your kids want to be with them more instead of being with you.

Another thing is they may also offer kids expensive gifts because they may have more money, knowing that divorcing an abusive individual may take a large chunk of the money. So, they buy your kids expensive gifts or take them on luxurious vacations which you cannot afford. Your kids may prefer being with them because they are being treated well and offered pleasurable things and activities. As a result, they will see them as the amazing parents who spoils them with expensive treats while you’re struggling to even buy them gifts for their birthday. Slowly by slowly, your kids will want to be with them more and more.

False Information

The second instance is false information. They may tell your kids that you are the one who left the relationship, or you are the one who ended the marriage. They may feed your kids all kinds of lies to make them see you as the bad parent, creating a false narrative about your actions. When your kids are fed with false narratives, they may end up losing that trust in you and even label you as a bad person.


Isolation is another strategy. They may directly isolate your kids from their friends and other family members, so they become the sole advisor. By controlling the information your kids receive, they can shape their beliefs and isolate them from other influences. When they’re the sole information providers, it means that they can easily influence the kids to do their bidding.

Creating Dependency

Creating dependency is another tactic. Instead of empowering their kids to make their own decisions, toxic individuals may create dependency, making the kids rely on them for everything. This prevents the kids from growing and becoming independent thinkers, allowing the toxic person to easily manipulate them.

Conditional Love

Conditional love is the last instance. They might tell the kids that if they don’t comply with their rules, they won’t buy them certain things or won’t pay for their school fees or they won’t love them. This conditional love makes the kids fear losing privileges and pushes them to follow the toxic person’s agenda.

Your kids may be weaponized by a toxic person to get to you, using them to manipulate you by hurting you through them. While you may not have control over your kids, you have control over yourself. Doing the inner work is the best solution. Rise to a point where you’re sure within yourself, even if your kids are used against you, you can stand your ground. Understand that them using your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent. The inner work is the solution. Work on yourself to the point where your kids see you as a loving parent. Lies won’t have long legs, and in the future, your kids may realize that you’re an amazing parent. Even if they are momentarily swayed, don’t feel like it’s the end for you. There’s still a solution by going inward.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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