Not Every Narcissist Discards: Sometimes They Demote you

Not Every Narcissist Discards: Sometimes They Demote you not every narcissist discards: sometimes they demote you

A narcissist’s discard is a critical phase when a narcissist ends a relationship, and this can occur for various reasons, such as feeling like you’re becoming a burden or no longer serving their immediate needs or simply out of boredom. However, a peculiar twist in some cases is when they don’t fully discard you but rather choose to demote you. So, what does it mean when a narcissist demotes you?

When a narcissist demotes you, they essentially relegate you to a lower rank or place you on the back burner, comparable to a demotion at work. In this context, you cease to hold the same importance or significance in their life. They continue to keep you around because you serve a purpose for them. They can’t entirely let go of you because you remain useful within the scope of their agenda, so they keep you in a sort of limbo. This manipulation can take various forms, such as giving you the silent treatment, withdrawing affection, or devaluing your contributions. It’s similar to being discarded but not entirely discarded. So, why does a narcissist demote you?

  1. Supply

If you still serve a purpose for the narcissist, such as maintaining their public image, providing financial support, or fulfilling their emotional needs, they may not want to completely let you go. Demoting you allows them to keep you on standby for when they need your services. They may also want to keep you as backup supply just in case they run out of supply elsewhere. When you’re demoted, the narcissist can easily reestablish a connection when needed without going through the effort of finding new sources.

  1. Form of Punishment

A narcissist may use demotion as a form of punishment to exert control and maintain dominance within the relationship. When they feel upset, challenged, or simply want to remind you of your “lesser” position, they will deliberately lower your rank in their eyes. This will make you more compliant and submissive, and you may not question their behaviors and actions again.

  1. Fear of Exposure

Another reason is when you have information that could damage the narcissist’s reputation or reveal their true nature, they may keep you close to ensure you don’t disclose this information to others.

  1. Avoiding Abandonment

Narcissists can become bored in a relationship, but they also tend to have an underlying fear of abandonment. Demoting someone instead of outright discarding them can be a mechanism for the narcissist to address this fear. By keeping you around in a diminished role, they ensure they won’t be left completely alone, which provides a shield for their inner abandonment or unhealed issues. This safety net allows them to manage their fear of being truly abandoned by always having someone at their disposal, maintaining a connection, and ensuring they never have to confront their unresolved emotional wounds or face the stark reality of solitude.


In conclusion, a narcissist will employ a variety of tricks from their arsenal to manipulate you. While understanding these tactics may provide some insight and relief, it’s not the ultimate solution for dealing with highly manipulative individuals in your life. They excel at their craft, but what’s equally important is your ability to maintain your boundaries and work on breaking free from those patterns that seem inescapable. You craft and what you need to excel at is working on you.

This is the key to liberating yourself from their deceitful games. While they may occasionally demote or discard you, don’t demote or discard yourself by remaining in a relationship that drains the life out of you. It might appear daunting to break free from the clutches of someone you feel addicted to, but that should never deter you from seeking an exit, a path to the life you truly deserve — a life filled with respect and meaningful connections.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.


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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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