NARCISSIST DISCARD PHASE- Why a Narcissist Discards You

NARCISSIST DISCARD PHASE- Why a Narcissist Discards You narcissist discard phase- why a narcissist discards you
Photo by Sigmund on Unsplash

A narcissist discard is when a narcissistic person ends the relationship and is done with you. They mostly do this in a brutal manner that makes you feel so worthless and used. The cruelty of the discard can be seen in ‘abnormal’ acts like leaving you for someone else, publicly humiliating you, leaving when you’re expectant (ladies), leaving when you’re jobless, or deliberately ignoring you for a long period of time without any closure on the break-up.

These are just a few of the demeaning behaviors that add more salt to the emotional abuse you’d already faced in that relationship. They do this to show you who’s still in control and that you are no longer important to them as you do not serve their needs.

For any survivor of abuse, the discard phase is usually the most painful as they will feel very abandoned, rejected, and humiliated by someone they once loved. The discard phase is where that person who you thought was going to change reveals their true colors, and you get a good view of the abuser that was lurking in the shadows in the devaluation phase of the relationship. So, when does a narcissist discard happen?

Why A Narcissist Discards You

  1. You have stopped feeding their ego.

A narcissist survives on being praised and given attention, admiration, and validation. When you no longer fuel their fragile ego, they will discard you. Examples of this are where you don’t offer them any validation or praise, or you no longer meet their ‘standards’ of attractiveness, and they don’t want to be seen with you in public because you might tarnish their image. You might have also challenged them in a way that hurts their ego.

2. You’ve become too difficult to control.

A narcissist will also discard you when they feel that you’re no longer easily controlled or manipulated. A narcissist will always try to manipulate you to get their selfish needs met. When it gets to the point where they feel that you’re becoming too much of a nuisance and you no longer fall prey to their lies, they will discard you. Of course, they will try really hard to regain their control, but if they feel that you’ve become solid as a rock, they’ll choose to discard you.

3. They have found new supply.

A narcissist will discard you if they have found someone else to supply their needs. They’re probably fed up with you, and they now want greener pastures to exploit for their needs. The new supply will, of course, go through the same cycle of idealization-devaluation-discard in the relationship. They’re just bored and tired of you and want something new. The new supply was recruited while they were still in a relationship with you.

4. You’re becoming a ‘burden’ to them.

A narcissist will choose to discard you if they feel that you’re becoming a ‘burden’ in their life. A burden here means the narcissist has to take on some unavoidable responsibilities or tasks for you. This mostly happens when you’re either sick or expectant, or you’ve lost your job, and the narcissist will have to take care of you in a certain way. They will choose to discard you because they cannot stand responsibility as it does not serve their needs, and you’re no longer useful to them.

5. To punish you and regain control.

A narcissist may also choose to discard you to cause you pain and distress. As they leave you mostly without warning or at the worst possible time, they will discard you when you’re not doing what they want from you. This means that you may find yourself begging for them to come back, putting the narcissist back in a position of power and control. The emotional pain of rejection and abandonment due to the discard will make someone desperate, and they will choose to be taken back by the Narc.


A narcissist discard is a painful experience, and the thought that will be stuck in your mind is how someone can do such a cruel thing. That’s why we need to understand that narcissistic people have no empathy and they view life from a different lens. You were just another pawn in their game of manipulation and supply for their needs. The connection you had with them was just an illusion, and you fell in love with a mask.

It may be hard, but as I always say, see the discard as a blessing in disguise, and it’s time for you to rise up, heal, and thrive. Unlike a ‘normal’ relationship where you will get closure, this is a different case, and you will hardly get any closure from them. They will want to keep you on hold just in case they need you back when they’ve run out of supply. Don’t wait for closure; find the closure within yourself and heal.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 831

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *