Moving on From Toxic Relationships: Why Can’t You Cope with A Healthy Relationship?

Moving on From Toxic Relationships: Why Can’t You Cope with A Healthy Relationship? moving on from toxic relationships: why can’t you cope with a healthy relationship?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

I saw this in a Facebook group where someone was saying, “Yeah, I’m in a very healthy relationship. This guy is treating me well, but still, I can’t open up to them. I can’t experience intimacy. I can’t do this, I can’t do that.” Actually, the main reason is that you’ve not really healed from your past; you’ve not moved on from your past relationship.

So physically, you are in this new relationship, but in your mind, in your emotions, and all those insides where intimacy is, you are still with your ex. Unless you really fully move on from your ex or fully heal from the past, you’ll never be fully present in a relationship because you’ll just be thinking about the past, and you’ll be living in fear. You’ll be like, “Maybe if I open up to them, they’ll hurt me like what happened in the past. Maybe if I do this, they’ll betray me. Maybe if I do this, they’ll leave me.” So, you’ll just be in constant fear, in constant fight, in constant flight because you’ve not processed the past. That’s why you may end up hurting the innocent person.

So sometimes, when you’re not truly healed, and you’re aware of it, you may end up hurting someone else. And, of course, that sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Your past abusive ex might have said, “I was raised in an environment where there was a lot of war. I was abused as a child, so that’s why I ended up becoming abusive.” So, if you enter a relationship without being fully healed and you’re conscious of it, that’s actually a very good place to be in because you acknowledge it.

You know the effect of these things. You know the effect of your anger on the other person. You know the effect of your deep hate towards the other person. You know the effect of being overly suspicious. You know the effect of being taken care of. You know the effect of not being responsible for yourself. You know the effect it has on the other person.

It stifles the other person’s freedom because the other person also wants to take care of you. Let’s say they care about you and they want to take care of you. So, when you’re not taking care of yourself and taking full ownership of your healing, it will end up hurting the other person, and you also give the other person stress.

So, when you really know that there is pain in you and you’ve never processed it, the best thing to do is actually not even look for a relationship. Just look for yourself first. Really look for yourself so that at least you will not take your unhealed parts to another relationship. Without looking for yourself, you will be taking all the baggage you picked up from the past relationship because something about toxic relationships is that toxic behaviors are contagious. Things like name-calling, things like silent treatment, they’re very contagious.

So you may end up picking those habits and then taking them to your new relationship, your new partner who is very innocent. So instead of doing that, instead of making a healthy relationship unhealthy, how about you now work on those unhealthy aspects with yourself? And those unhealthy aspects, actually, they are not you. They are just things. They’re just like weeds which need to be uprooted so that you can really feel good about yourself, so that you can really feel present in your relationship.

Imagine a relationship where you are fully present to your partner, you listen to them, you’re not overly jealous of them, you let them grow. Of course, the relationship will grow, and then when that relationship grows, it will mean that you’ll also grow as a person.

So, facing your fear will impact the world in a positive way. It may even lead to a world where we are not breeding or leading to more toxic people because when you raise your kids in a loving environment, at least there’s a high chance that they’ll also be loving because they are seeing it from you.

But if they are seeing from you that you are running away from the pain, of course, they’ll also run away from the pain. So, you have the power to take action by facing the pain instead of jumping from one relationship to another. You’ll end up hurting others, and you’ll also end up hurting others unconsciously without you knowing. You might end up being just angry or breaking a few cups, and then you are like, “I don’t know why I did that.” It’s just because you’re triggered or because you’re still living in the past. So, deal with the pain, face the pain, and you will enjoy your relationships, and you will also enjoy your life. It’s a win-win for you and a win-win for everyone.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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