Moving on From a Toxic Relationship: When You Feel Jealous of Their New Partner

Moving on From a Toxic Relationship: When You Feel Jealous of Their New Partner moving on from a toxic relationship: when you feel jealous of their new partner
Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

Let’s say you left an abusive relationship, and you really know they’re abusive and manipulative. You’ve even done a lot of research and you’ve concluded that they cannot really change and you did the right thing to leave the relationship. But then you hear some news from your mutual friends, or you see on social media that your abusive ex-husband or ex-wife is getting married again or is now dating someone else.

You may compare yourself with their new partner and you may even think that they’re better than you, perhaps they are more good-looking, thinner, or more intelligent, or possess qualities that we lack but someone else has. The mind is cunning, especially when you don’t believe in yourself and acknowledge your uniqueness. You will think that you lacked something for you to be discarded.

In some instances, you really feel like this person may be thriving in life, and then there you are, not really healed, still struggling with feelings of betrayal, heartache, or mistreatment that you haven’t processed from the relationship.

Jealous That They’re Getting the Good Side

When you see your ex-partner happy with someone new, it’s natural to feel jealous. You might wish you had what their new partner has. You might even start to doubt yourself, thinking you weren’t patient, loyal, or strong enough. Even though you know your ex was abusive, seeing them treat someone else well might make you wonder if you should apologize and go back.

Feeling jealous is a common emotion that arises when you see someone else receiving what you desire. This feeling often stems from a sense of entitlement, especially if you believe you contributed to the other person’s success or happiness. For instance, imagine you helped your former partner prepare for job interviews, only to see them thriving in their new job with someone else.

This situation can evoke jealousy because you may have invested significant time, effort, or resources into helping your ex-partner achieve a comfortable lifestyle, such as by contributing to building a house together or providing financial support. However, after the relationship ended, you find yourself without access to those luxuries while someone else benefits from them. Seeing your ex-partner and their new companion enjoying the lavish lifestyle that you helped create can intensify feelings of envy and resentment, especially when you’re struggling to find stability or a place to live. It can feel unfair and disheartening to witness someone else reaping the rewards of your past contributions while you’re left grappling with the aftermath of the breakup or divorce.

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You Know What Happens Behind the Scenes

It’s okay to feel jealous, but don’t let it bring you down or make you consider going back. You can’t see everything that’s happening, especially the bad stuff which normally happens behind the scenes. We mostly see the shiny objects of a relationship without really seeing the holistic picture or the reality of the relationship.

If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of feeling jealous about their new partner, it may be helpful to reflect on the early stages of your relationship. Remember how you felt like you hit the jackpot because your ex treated you exceptionally well, fulfilling your desires and giving you everything you ever wanted. It’s possible that their new partner is experiencing the same treatment you received initially, and you might not fully understand what’s going on behind the scenes.

Even in most relationships, you may think that people are happy because they display this outer picture of everything being okay. They take photos of good vacations together, portraying relationship goals, but we never really know what’s happening behind the scenes.

As for you, you possess a deep understanding of what occurs behind the scenes when dealing with manipulative individuals; you’re well aware of the unpleasant realities. It’s crucial to remind yourself of these truths, recognizing that it’s merely a repetitive cycle. They’re simply replacing you with a new “supply” and then probably put them through the same cycle they put you through unless they change.

Do not Wait for New Supply to Get the Ugly Side

Another important aspect to consider is the temptation to become fixated on monitoring your abusive ex’s new relationship, waiting for it to crumble, or for their new partner to experience the negative aspects you endured. This impulse may arise from a desire to validate your feelings of jealousy or to seek closure from the past relationship. You might also harbor a sadistic desire for the new supply to undergo the same hardships you endured, seeking a sense of vindication or equality. However, indulging in such thoughts perpetuates a cycle of pain and prevents personal healing.

Even if they end up experiencing the positive side, that shouldn’t be your center of focus. It doesn’t really matter if they experience the good side or the bad side; what’s important is that your focus remains fixated on how to overcome the negative aspects of the past inside you. You should only be focused on cultivating the ‘good side’ within yourself. Keeping tabs on them and waiting for things to crumble may offer some sort of relief, but it won’t alleviate the emotional distress you’re feeling deep inside. That’s where all your focus should be. Most of the other things you are doing simply keep you stuck in suffering instead of freeing you from the heavy emotions you’re still carrying as a result of those past experiences.

You’re Lucky as Well

You should consider yourself lucky that you now understand that there are people who can put on a deceptive mask to lure you into a relationship only to exploit you later on. This knowledge is what you need to help you move forward. You now understand that a relationship is not always what it’s portrayed to be on magazine covers, and some people can do terrible things to you when you don’t understand yourself on a deeper level or when you lack healthy boundaries. This understanding is not something that other people are necessarily aware of, but for you, because you’re reading this, you now have the opportunity to grow and focus on yourself instead of fixating on the new supply.

While it is somewhat normal to feel jealous, it shouldn’t consume you to the point where you don’t see the opportunity life has presented to you — the opportunity to look inward and liberate yourself from the painful betrayals of your past. You may desire what they have, but sometimes what we seek from others is not what we will receive; we may also encounter the ugly side or the side behind the curtains.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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