Moving on From a Toxic Relationship — What does it actually mean?

Moving on From a Toxic Relationship — What does it actually mean? moving on from a toxic relationship — what does it actually mean?

You’ve just left a toxic relationship but you’re still thinking about them and even crave to be with them. Some part of you wants you to move on and another part wants you to still give it a try. Your friends are giving you the normal advice of, “Just move on” but the binds you have towards them are just so strong. You even feel ashamed and worthless because you can’t follow their advice and do such a ‘simple’ thing like just moving on and forgetting about them. You feel stuck in the past and you can’t really figure out this moving on which people talk about. What does it mean to really move on from a relationship?

Moving on has different interpretations but the most common one is forgetting about them and finding someone else (a new relationship or situation-ship). In fact, when people see you single or not having any romantic involvements with other people, they associate it with you having not moved on from the past relationship.

When they see you seeing other people, they know that you’ve moved on and you may also think you’ve moved on. Jumping into a new relationship without processing your past hurts is not moving on at all as it is just you moving with all your emotional baggage to a new relationship. So, you’re not really moving on but you’re moving with them (your past stuck emotions).

A toxic relationship will leave you with emotional scars and new deep insecurities which weigh you down. You may see that your abusive ex-partner has ‘moved on’ so fast because they are in another relationship which might trigger you to also find someone new so that you don’t look like the one who was not good enough.

You friends may also try to hook you up with someone new so that you can ‘move on’ so fast. This is a dangerous place to be in as you may find yourself in another unhealthy relationship which will traumatize you and then a few months or years down the line you still find yourself in a place where you want to move on.

So, when we view moving on as jumping into another relationship or sleeping with someone one else, we just pile more and more baggage from the past without ever really releasing them. It’s like collecting ‘trash’ everywhere we go without every really throwing them away to a dumping site (sounds heavy right?)

The other interpretation of moving on is you shutting everyone out of your life or denouncing any romantic involvements. While it may look like a great defense mechanism on paper, it still is not the actual meaning of moving on.

This is because those actions you’re engaging in are just about survival and you’re acting out of fear. When you act out of fear, it simply means that the past traumatized you or shook you so much to the point where you shy away from engaging in some of your deep desires.

This is the path of distracting yourself, numbing your emotions, burying yourself with work, ‘spiritual escapism’ (topic for another day), indulging in alcohol and other substances or just anything that distracts you from the painful emotions or relationships in general. It may look like moving on from the past but the past still has a grip on your present life because you cannot embrace the whole spectrum of existence. You’re simply missing out on life by consciously or unconsciously employing avoidance strategies.

Moving on is not actually about just find someone new or shutting down because of what you went through in the past. We may have various interpretations of the word moving on but the best measure of moving on is you being deeply honest with yourself (you don’t even have to tell anyone) and assess if the past has a strong effect on your present decisions.

Fully moving on is all about you moving forward with life without the past limiting your scope (choices). It’s the point where you can choose to be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship but this comes from your own self-reliance and not as a reaction to what happened to you in the past. You can act freely as you wish without the past relationships affecting your current circumstances.

It doesn’t mean that you forget about them or you don’t think about them or you shut yourself or you overwork yourself or you pause your life or even find a new a relationship, it means that the past is not stopping you from living the life you deeply desire. It means that you’ve made peace and reconciled with past hurts and you’re now travelling light.

You’re a happy single without a relationship or a happy single in a relationship but the key factor is YOU. It is you taking your life back and growing from all those past betrayals. It’s you investing in yourself and seeing you as someone who deserves a better life and is free to do so. Moving on is living and not surviving, that’s where you should strive to be. Be gentle on yourself, process those past hurts to fully move on and embrace life.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 831

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *