Love Bombing — The Foundational Piece of a Toxic Relationship

Love Bombing — The Foundational Piece of a Toxic Relationship love bombing — the foundational piece of a toxic relationship
Photo by Tayla Kohler on Unsplash

A toxic person will not come to you holding a placard written, “I am very manipulative and abusive.” They come to you more like a trojan horse, bearing gifts, affection and even probably having a deep understanding of your ‘love language.’ You, on the other hand, wants to be treated like a royalty, to be seen, to be cherished, to be flattered, to be showered with affection by that one person who you now feel has the key to your heart.

Ooh, and with Valentine’s Day around the corner, you may want your new catch to do more of those and shower you with gifts and all kinds of treats. While all those things sound very romantic and lovely, when taken to the excess, it becomes love bombing.

Love bombing is where someone aims to rapidly win over your love and attention by presenting a highly idealized version of themselves. They intoxicate you with all those loving vibes that make you feel very special. It is mostly used by narcissists to lure you and hook you in as they seek to control and manipulate you especially during the beginning of the relationship.

Why is Love Bombing so Dangerous?

Love bombing in itself may look harmless or very nice but it is actually so dangerous in many instances. The first instance is love bombing phase exploits the law of reciprocity. The law of reciprocity is our ‘human nature’ and it is where we feel indebted to someone who has done something for us. We feel that we owe someone a favor and we need to repay them in one way or the other.

During the love bombing phase, you’re more of receiving and receiving goodies and more goodies from the love bomber. They may have paid some of your bills, took you to expensive restaurants, bought you expensive gifts or bombarded you with sweet messages that lifted your mood through the day.

You will of course feel ‘guilty’ and you will want to give something back to the other person and what we mostly give back is our bodies or our care especially when we don’t have anything else to offer. This exchange in itself creates a quick bond and you even allow them into your life, even the deep depths of your life.

The love bombing is also the information collection stage for a manipulator because you’ll find yourself sharing all your traumas, passwords and dirty secrets as you want to intensify this bond you’re having. All those will be used against you later when they want to control and manipulate you.

It gets more dangerous because the intensity of the love bombing phase is now obscuring your judgment and you’re not even looking at the red flags. You cannot look at the thorns when you’re being presenting with roses. You then end up rushing things because you don’t want to lose them and you really feel that they’ve hit a spot in you where no one has ever hit before.

You feel complete, special and ‘whole’. That’s how you end up being entangled in an abusive relationship. You find yourself lowering your boundaries because they already have a soft landing in you. The love bombing was more of winning your trust and providing you with an illusionary life.

It is an illusionary life which your memory will hold onto for the rest of the relationship and it will even want it again. A few months or years down the line when they start showing you their true colors, you’ll still be thinking about the good things they did to you in the beginning of the relationship (they might still show tiny glimpses of the love bombing phase in the phase of the relationship).

When they talk to you about their childhood being the cause of the abuse, you will want to take care of them and you will still feel indebted because of that that beautiful watch or Valentine’s Day present they bought you 10 years ago. This keeps you stuck in a toxic relationship because you want to relive the love bombing phase and at the same time you want to repay an unpayable debt oh and they might also be threatening to expose those secrets you told them during the honeymoon. So, it’s just the foundational piece of a toxic relationship, they have you where they wanted you to be.

Why do people fall for Love Bombing?

Love bombing in itself is not a problem, the problem is you give it a soft landing. Giving it a soft-landing here means that you attach your worth to externalities like words of affection, gifts or flattery. The manipulator just exploits your deep insecurities through love bombs to make you dependent on them for their own supply.

When you get easily wooed by those things, you will be very vulnerable to love bombers who will ultimately use you and then discard you. When you are easily swayed by what people do to you or say about you, you will be following along with their love bombing. It’s more of your life lacking depth to the point where you’re used to swimming in the shallow waters and the shallowness offered by the love bomber is all it takes for you to lower your boundaries (or to drop your pants).

That’s why you have to work on rebuilding your self-esteem to the point where you’re deeply secure and nothing on the outside really defines you as a person. With high self-esteem, you will understand that you’re a whole being who will not lower their boundaries to even reciprocate the actions of another person.

You deeply understand what’s within your scope of control and you’re not an option to some cheap and shallow kind of ‘love’. If you see yourself being very susceptible to love bombing, then go inwards and address those false beliefs you have about yourself. You’re worthy of more than just a brief illusionary high which will lead you the dark depths of hell.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 831

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *