How to Take Personal Responsibility and Be Accountable in Your Healing Journey

How to Take Personal Responsibility and Be Accountable in Your Healing Journey how to take personal responsibility and be accountable in your healing journey
Photo by Nathan Lemon on Unsplash

I have to admit that taking full responsibility is not the easiest thing to do in life, but it’s the most important step in your healing journey. It’s not only crucial for healing from abuse but also for general personal development. Taking responsibility should not be confused with being at fault for what happened in your life.

In fact, during my research, I came across something interesting. You can see responsibility as “Response + Ability,” which means you have the ability to respond to any situation or circumstance in your life at the present moment.

When you fail to take full responsibility for your healing journey, you become stuck in blame, excuses, and countless justifications. You might even find some sort of comfort in this state, and the ego thrives on that because it convinces you that you’re doing fine without needing to transform your life.

Something about the mind is that it tends to choose the path of least emotional challenge. So, if I blame something else for my life circumstances, I don’t have to take action to change it. Focusing on past circumstances that we can’t control offers a certain convenience and even distracts us from addressing our current emotions.

Then you neglect personal responsibility, you feel powerless and trapped within your own mind. Instead of taking action, you spend most days in self-destructive overthinking. You’re consumed by constant thoughts like, “The world is a cruel place,” or “Why can’t everyone just be nice and good?” This mindset desires others to change their behaviors and perspectives, rather than focusing on our own change.

Taking full responsibility empowers you to move forward and create the life you deserve. It’s the key to personal growth, enabling you to address unhealed parts within yourself. It’s crucial to remember that this journey is about progress, not perfection, and embracing the process of transformation.

So, how do you fully embrace personal responsibility while healing from abuse?

  1. Acknowledge to Yourself — You’re Doing it for You:

Taking full responsibility involves acknowledging that it’s your duty to heal, take necessary steps, and build a better life for yourself. Admit that you’re experiencing pain and recognize that only you can take the required actions to manage those negative emotions.

This responsibility lies with you, not your family, not your toxic ex, and not other abuse survivors. Accept that you possess the power to take those next steps, even if you’re uncertain about the way forward. Not knowing what to do should not be an excuse for inaction. While you might lack clarity at present, acknowledging your commitment to healing and self-support is crucial. This willingness involves exploring unhealed aspects within you and seeking help when necessary.

Repeat the mantra, “Yes, I was in an abusive relationship, but from now on, I assume 100% responsibility for my healing journey (not my Ex, not my parents, just me).”

Shifting blame outside ourselves might temporarily ease emotional pain, but it ultimately keeps us stuck. Recognize that you’re willing to do whatever it takes, and prioritize your healing.

2. Set Intentions for Your Healing Journey:

The second step is to set clear intentions for your healing journey. Without intentions, you might feel stuck and veer off track, engaging in activities that don’t contribute to your healing. What are your intentions?

Do you intend to avoid attracting narcissists in the future?

Do you aim to break free from people-pleasing?

Are you striving to establish and maintain healthy boundaries?

Is your goal to cultivate healthy relationships?

Do you intend to accept yourself as you are?

Are you working toward unconditional self-love?

Are you addressing childhood trauma?

Are you aspiring to be a positive role model for your children?

Is your focus on self-discovery?

Are you aiming to heal emotional pain?


Are you merely studying narcissism?

Are you rushing into another relationship?

Are you distracting yourself?

Are you harboring resentment toward your toxic ex?

Are you monitoring your narcissistic ex?

Are you doing nothing at all?

When you set intentions, you gain clarity about your destination. Take time to journal about this, rather than just contemplating it in your mind. Understand what achieving healing looks like for you, then identify steps to manifest those intentions. Without a roadmap, you might spend countless days idling and engaging in unproductive activities that hinder your progress.

3. Focus More on Your Present Actions:

Once you’ve established intentions, assess whether your present actions align with those intentions. Ask yourself:

Will continuing my current actions lead me closer to my goals?

What actions can I introduce to support my healing journey (seeking help, therapy, self-reflection)?

Focusing on present actions entails concentrating on factors within your control during your healing journey — self-care, routines, seeking help. When you direct your attention toward manageable aspects, you foster a more positive outlook on your healing journey. This perspective reveals that progress is achievable.

In contrast, concentrating on uncontrollable elements like your narcissist ex’s choices leads to powerlessness, as you lack influence over them. You can’t control their decisions, but you can shape your own life in a way that detaches you from them for good. Focus on actions that enhance your well-being and growth, and put your full energy, time, and dedication into achieving your intentions, even in the absence of external validation or support. Recognize that not taking action will maintain your unhappy state, so commit to putting in the effort.

4. Be Honest with Yourself:

Complete honesty with yourself is also crucial in your healing journey. It’s challenging not only when others are honest with us but when we’re deeply honest with ourselves. Being candid and sincere with oneself requires significant emotional effort. You’re not accountable to anyone else; no one is watching. Embrace your weaknesses, flaws, and your current capabilities. This honesty involves looking at yourself without filters, rationalizations, or beliefs. Pose questions like:

Am I truly ready for a new relationship, or am I seeking an escape?

Can I genuinely heal and progress on my own, or do I need professional assistance?

Where am I deceiving myself in my healing journey, and how can I address this?

Am I truly “okay,” or am I masking pain?

Can I genuinely establish and uphold boundaries?

Can I say ‘No’ and walk away?

Was I genuinely content in that relationship?

Can I genuinely change them?

Honest self-assessment involves compassionate self-examination, stripped of preconceptions. It’s not about others; it’s about you and your authenticity. This honesty extends to facing your deep-seated fears with an open mind, rather than ignoring or evading them. It also means acknowledging your limitations and capabilities.


When we assume personal responsibility for our lives, we liberate ourselves from the heavy burden of attempting the impossible. Taking full responsibility doesn’t come easy, but it eventually makes life easier internally. Through responsibility, you recognize that you control how you respond to inner situations.

It’s the cornerstone of your healing journey, saving you the energy you might have squandered elsewhere. Without responsibility, we’re trapped in an unending cycle of blame, preventing us from healing and seizing the life we deserve. Don’t wait for your toxic ex to be held accountable for their actions; instead, hold yourself accountable for creating a life without their influence.

Don’t delay; delve inward and confront deep-seated insecurities. It’s the only path to liberation and inner peace. Although embracing responsibility is undoubtedly challenging due to the subconscious mind’s influence, fueled by our trauma, it doesn’t mean we remain idle. We must accept the challenge and take action.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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