How To Overcome the Feeling of Wasting Time in A Toxic Relationship

How To Overcome the Feeling of Wasting Time in A Toxic Relationship how to overcome the feeling of wasting time in a toxic relationship
Photo by Lukas Blazek on Unsplash

It can be one of the most painful feelings when you look back at all the years, months, or even decades you poured into a toxic relationship and asking yourself, “Why did I waste so much precious time?” As the sobering reality of the dysfunction dawns on us, our minds can quickly spiral into a blackhole of regret, shame, and brutal self-judgment over all that we sacrificed and endured for that unhealthy relationship that clearly weren’t meant to last.

We torture ourselves with thoughts like, “If only I had left sooner, I could have avoided all that trauma and started healing years ago. I’m such an idiot for sticking it out, hoping they would change” or the sneaky, “I wish I had read this 20 years ago.” This obsessive worrying about “wasted time” can be a big distraction on the healing journey. It’s like a mental punishment that keeps us feeling stuck with the time we wasted instead of looking at how we’re even ‘wasting more time’ by not acting in the present moment.

But I’m here to remind you that this “sunken cost” frame of mind is just another cruel trap the mind fabricates to keep you stuck in that familiar pain. It’s like your mind’s way of keeping you stuck in those well-known feelings of shame and self-loathing. Even though they hurt, those stories feel safe to tell and to spend most of your day ruminating about what could be or what really happened, it’s more like wearing a pair of old, torn slippers.

Because here’s the truth — you did not actually “waste” any time. You didn’t know any better, and the ‘real’ wasting of time is when you don’t take steps today to work on overcoming the pain. You have that choice now to forge the best way forward for yourself. As long as you want to think about the time you wasted, how about you look at the time you’ve gained now that you’re aware of their manipulative games, now that you are out of the relationship? Like, what life is possibly waiting for you out there now that you’re opening your eyes to a new you and endless possibilities?

Here’s the thing, your mind will keep you fixated on the past and the negative because it’s gotten used to it. That’s why sometimes you’ve got to interrupt it and start seeing what’s in front of you. The future may seem as dark as what you’ve left behind, but you can start taking one step slowly by slowly as you light your way out of that dark tunnel.

The other things is, the only way to truly “waste” your time now is to keep thinking you can somehow go back and reclaim those painful years — because that’s just not possible. Moving forward means letting go of that mindset and acknowledging how your wisdom, boundaries, and self-love blossomed, even though the soil had to be turned over in darkness to get there.

You’ve got to stop obsessing over the past. Don’t tell yourself that your healing journey has been slowed down or that important years have been wasted. Look at it from a different perspective: the only things that were truly wasted were the old, outdated patterns you’ve left behind. You’re dropping the old, trauma-fuelled versions of yourself that were limiting your possibilities and keeping you stuck.

You haven’t “lost” any time on your soul’s journey. In fact, you’re now awake, integrated, and ready to truly begin — living fully present, as the most consciously sovereign version of yourself. That’s the place to be despite your past experiences, keep working on it till you see time as a physical construct and not a psychological concept.

So be grateful for your health today, because it’s grown from the soil of the years you’ve overcome, not lost within them. It’s never too late to start living and enjoying the ‘limited’ time we have in this planet. As the Buddha’s teachings may suggest, true awakening and birth only occur when one is fully present and aware in each moment.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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