How to Move On from a Toxic Relationship for Good

How to Move On from a Toxic Relationship for Good how to move on from a toxic relationship for good

You’ve just left a toxic relationship, and you’re probably asking yourself these questions:

  • Where do I go from here, and where do I start?
  • Is it possible to ever find peace and fully move on?
  • How do I manage my hurt feelings?
  • Why do I always find myself in situations like these?
  • How will I ever forgive myself for staying too long?
  • Will my life ever return to the way it was before?

These are just examples of countless questions for which you probably don’t have answers presently. Healing from a toxic relationship is a challenging experience, and it will throw you into shades of depression, hopelessness, sadness, grief, despair, and anxiety. Your feelings are valid, and all this really takes a huge toll on your well-being.

While healing is different for everyone, in this article, I will outline the main steps to take after leaving a toxic relationship to help you move on and reclaim your power. We also need to know that we have two main paths/choices to take: one is the path of commitment and effort to rediscover yourself and heal, and the second path is doing nothing at all and remaining stuck in toxic relationship patterns. This article is for you if you’re choosing the path of healing and reclaiming the happy life you deserve.

Step 1: Acceptance

Acceptance is the stage of acknowledging that there’s nothing more we could have done to make the relationship work. It’s also acknowledging that it was unhealthy for you and that reconciliation is not an option. It’s more about recognizing the actual facts rather than rejecting the reality of what was happening. It’s also accepting that seeking closure from them is not an option in toxic relationships. The only closure we can have comes from within ourselves. When we accept situations as they are, we become both the teacher and the student of our own experiences. Instead of living in denial and resistance, you are saving yourself from more pain and you’re ready to move to the next step of healing.

Acceptance is not an easy thing to achieve as we may still be clinging to the hope that things will go back to the way they were in the early stages of the relationship. You can practice acceptance by educating yourself on toxic relationships, which will help you come to terms with what’s been happening in the relationship. You can also plainly write down a detailed list of things you didn’t like about the relationship so that it can be an eye-opener for why you don’t want to be part of it. You also have to be patient with yourself and acknowledge that coming to terms with what happened will take time as you still have feelings for your toxic ex.

“Acceptance is the road to all change.” — Bryant McGill

Step 2: No Contact (Minimized Contact)

This is probably the hardest step in the recovery journey. As the name suggests, it’s all about ‘NOT CONTACTING’ your toxic ex. It is a foundational step as it gives you space and time to heal away from them. NO Contact involves no stalking them on social media, no calling or texting them, no visiting them, and more. Going full NO CONTACT may not be possible at times, especially where kids are involved, so what you need to do here is observe minimized contact. You can practice minimized contact by keeping your conversations brief, avoiding emotional engagements, not discussing any personal affairs, and using simple and factual statements.

Every interaction with your ex leaves a dent in your self-worth and self-esteem. Their sarcastic tone, their digs, pierce through you like a hot knife through butter. That’s why NO CONTACT is a necessary step!!

We’re most vulnerable after leaving a toxic relationship, and ‘No Contact’ will keep you away from going back to them because, as we all know, they can be very convincing and charming, especially when they feel they’ve lost control over you. You can master the ‘No contact Rule’ by tracking and habituating the days you’ve not contacted them, having an accountability partner to keep you in check, or just finding a healthy routine that will keep you engaged.

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Step 3: Take Personal Responsibility for Your Healing

After being in a toxic relationship, we’ve been verbally abused so much that we even think something is wrong with us and we feel powerless. You’ve also felt that everything is all your fault, but once you become more aware of toxic relationship traits, you get a huge sigh of relief and realize that you’re not insane after all. This third step is all about understanding that you’re responsible for your healing journey, and no one else is going to make you better. It is the commitment that you will do whatever is within your reach to rediscover yourself and reclaim that happy life you deserve.

You will focus more on what you’re doing to get better instead of focusing on the people who hurt you. We also need to understand that responsibility does not mean that you’re to blame for the abuse that happened to you, but rather you acknowledge it’s your role to heal and make things happen in your life. One other aspect of responsibility is also understanding that you’re not responsible for other people’s actions and behaviors. Two great mantras to live with at this stage are:

“No one can take the power I have within me” or “My success is their Karma & I will thrive.”

Step 4: Adopt A Self-Care Routine

When we are in a toxic relationship, we abandon ourselves so much that we even forget how our own physical, mental, and emotional health looks like. We may even adopt various unhealthy habits as we look for quick relief from the pain we’re feeling, and this ends up making us feel unworthy. Self-care is all about being your number one priority, focusing more time and energy on things that will enhance your well-being.

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You can commit today to first start nailing down the basics and simple self-care habits that are within your reach, and slowly but surely, you will climb your way up to full recovery. When you nourish yourself, it helps you feel that the direction you want to go is achievable, and you’re worth the effort. Some simple daily self-care habits you can engage in are getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, taking a walk, exercising, personal grooming, maintaining good hygiene, or even just getting physical rest. It’s all about being a little ‘selfish’ and understanding that your needs come first.

Step 5: Set and Maintain Personal Boundaries

Boundaries help us define what we are comfortable with and how we’d like others to treat us. Toxic people frequently cross our boundaries. They step on your values, your beliefs, what you stand for, as well as what you won’t tolerate. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or mental limits we put in place to safeguard our well-being.

So, setting and having healthy boundaries in your healing journey will ensure that no one takes advantage of you as they provide the guidelines on how you deserve to be treated. It will also outline what you cannot tolerate or compromise. Boundaries will also provide you with the space to express yourself more authentically.

Maintaining these boundaries is not an easy thing to do, and here are some sentences you can use that can help you maintain those boundaries.

  • “I can’t take any additional tasks right now.”
  • “I won’t be spoken to in that manner.”
  • “I don’t feel safe here, so I’m going to leave.”
  • “I’m not comfortable discussing this topic with you.”
  • “I need to rest tonight, and I will not be able to make it.”

The more you stick to your boundaries, the safer you will be from the predators, and they will also keep you away from toxic relationship cycles.

Conclusion

The steps provided above will keep you on the right path in your healing journey, but moving on is all about the level of commitment, effort, and energy you’re willing to put into your healing journey. The more you focus on your healing journey, the quicker you’ll start seeing the results. It is not easy, but the only way is to do the work.

The work will be emotionally challenging as it will need you to explore parts of yourself you’ve been suppressing or you’ve never explored. That’s why the best way to go is always to seek proper professional help so that they can provide proper guidance in your journey of self-discovery.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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