How Do Narcissists Act When You Start Giving Someone Else Attention and Not Them?

How Do Narcissists Act When You Start Giving Someone Else Attention and Not Them? how do narcissists act when you start giving someone else attention and not them?
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When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s incredibly draining and damaging to your self-esteem. You may become so accustomed to their behavior that you feel isolated from the outside world. However, let’s say you become aware of their abusive behaviors and decide to start seeing other people or going out on dates. Maybe you’re still in the relationship, considering breaking up, or you’ve recently broken up. You’re now focusing on someone else, and they’re hardly getting any of your attention. How would they react?


The first reaction typically is rage. They’ll become extremely angry at you for moving on. Seeing you with someone else triggers their deep insecurities, and they often suppress this anger until it bursts out explosively. They may display aggressive or violent behavior, perhaps even breaking things, as their insecurities are laid bare. Being close to them during such outbursts is not advisable.


Another possible reaction is that they may try to lure you back. Narcissists thrive on power and control, so when they see someone else getting your attention, they may see it as a challenge to their superiority. They might exploit your vulnerabilities and weaknesses to manipulate you into returning to them. Their goal is not genuine change but to reaffirm their sense of superiority. They may apologize, ‘change’ their behavior temporarily, or resort to love bombing to win you back, all to maintain their position of dominance and control.

Play Victim

Another tactic they might employ is playing the victim. Seeing you with someone else may trigger their insecurities, causing them to accuse you of cheating or blame you for not wanting to salvage the relationship. They may guilt-trip you by claiming you were supposed to be there for them forever. In their eyes, your actions are a betrayal, and they may twist the situation to paint themselves as the victim, turning the blame onto you and making you out to be the abusive one.

Smear Tactics

Another tactic they may use is to smear your name. When they see you giving attention to someone else, they may start spreading lies about you to your family or mutual acquaintances. They might claim that you’re being unfaithful or suggest that you were the problem in the relationship. By tarnishing your reputation, they aim to manipulate others into sympathizing with them and viewing you as the one at fault. This tactic allows them to elevate their own reputation while diminishing yours in the eyes of others.

So, those are some of the things that may happen when you redirect your attention away from the narcissist. However, it’s important not to dwell too much on the potential consequences of shifting your focus onto someone else. Sometimes, you might be tempted to seek attention from another person as a way of seeking revenge or to prove to the narcissist that you’re still desirable. But that’s not the purpose of the your healing journey

If your intention in seeking out someone else or giving them attention is solely to make the narcissist feel bad, then you’re approaching the healing journey from the wrong angle. While it might provide a momentary sense of relief or closure, ultimately, you’re still caught up in a competition with the abusive person.

So instead of directing your attention inward and focusing on your own healing, you’re inadvertently engaging in the narcissist’s manipulative games. While it’s fine to see other people if you choose to, doing so with the sole purpose of getting back at the narcissist or proving something to them only perpetuates the toxic cycle. In the end, you’ll find yourself trapped in another unhealthy relationship, unable to move forward and sinking deeper into the same patterns of exploitation and manipulation.

Focus on yourself and prioritize your own healing without being overly concerned about the narcissist’s reaction. While it’s beneficial to gain insight into their behavior, the most important thing is to understand your own motivations. Are you seeking revenge or trying to escape from your own pain? Ultimately, true growth comes from facing your emotions and experiences head-on.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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