How Can You Address a Toxic Relationship Between You And Your Parents Without Causing Harm? Pt. 1

How Can You Address a Toxic Relationship Between You And Your Parents Without Causing Harm? Pt. 1 how can you address a toxic relationship between you and your parents without causing harm? pt. 1
Photo by Rajiv Perera on Unsplash

Today I’d like to answer these questions of how you can address a toxic relationship between you and your parents without causing harm.

By causing harm here, it means how you can resolve the issues you have with them without harming them or if it’s just about cutting them of in your life?

Let’s say you’ve realized that your parents are exploiting you. They might be too demanding, controlling, asking you for money. They’re expecting so much from you. They might want to control your family. They expect too much and may even seek to control various aspects of your life, including your family dynamics and finances. This realization can be particularly common as you enter adulthood, perhaps even in your 30s or 40s, when the desire for independence becomes undeniable.

So, let’s say you try to keep your distance. Maybe you start visiting home less often, especially during holidays. But what happens when you do? Well, your mom might start accusing you of abandoning them or remind you of how much they’ve done for you. They guilt-trip you, making you feel like you owe them your presence. This kind of manipulation and coercion is sadly typical in many families. Instead of wanting to go home out of love, you feel obligated and fearful of what might happen if you don’t comply.

So, when you start working on yourself or when you start prioritizing yourself, you’ll be in this conflict of how can you maintain the relationship without causing harm? Is it just blocking them for the sake of your own wellbeing? Actually there are two things you can do.

Understand Your Boundaries

The first thing is of course understanding your boundaries. Understanding boundaries here is you knowing the things you are not supposed to tolerate from them or from others. And others here also include your family. Because sometimes when we discuss boundaries, we tend to think it only applies to relationships with friends, not our loved ones. We believe we can do anything for our family, even sacrifice our own well-being..

It’s boundaries between you and you and you and others and these others also include your parents or your loved ones. So when you understand your boundaries, it can be your financial boundaries, boundaries in terms of space, or just generally the things you’re not supposed to tolerate.

Once you understand your boundaries, you can begin enforcing them. For instance, I have a friend who found an effective approach with her parents. She used to send them money regularly, which was fine. However, instead of them asking for money frequently throughout the month, she started sending a fixed amount every month. She made it clear that if anything urgent came up in between, she wouldn’t be able to provide additional funds. This strategy has been successful for her. Of course, there are potential drawbacks, as not all parents may respect these boundaries. Nonetheless, it establishes a clear boundary and you can try out by offering them options like visiting home less often or limiting phone calls to specific times, like weekends.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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