How Can You Address a Toxic Relationship Between You And Your Parents Without Causing Harm? part. 2

How Can You Address a Toxic Relationship Between You And Your Parents Without Causing Harm? part. 2 how can you address a toxic relationship between you and your parents without causing harm? part. 2
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That’s a straightforward boundary that reflects your needs. Sometimes, enforcing such boundaries may require ‘lying’. This type of lie is often referred to as a compassionate lie. You understand that even if you provide your parents with a valid reason, such as needing to manage your finances or not being able to visit home, they may still challenge it. In such cases, lying, especially with awareness, can be the most effective approach. For instance, if they persistently ask for money and you find it difficult to say no, you might say you don’t have any money to spare. While lying may seem deceptive, it can be a necessary measure to protect your boundaries and well-being.

Actually, in the grand scheme of things, you really think that you are very, very honest and you don’t need to lie, but by bowing down to their demands, you are lying to yourself on a deeper level or on the soul level. Like when you do something which you don’t want, which is contrary to what you wish on a deeper level, that’s the greatest lie because you’re lying to your own self.

But this other lie of lying because you have to protect yourself or because you understand where they’re coming from. That’s a very beautiful thing to do. So, sometimes when it comes to enforcing these boundaries to your toxic parents, you can lie and come up with a reason Because you just know that there is no other way.

So, understanding boundaries is crucial, but when they’re constantly crossing them, then it’s perfectly okay to distance yourself from them. And if you don’t have a reason for distancing yourself from them, of course, you can find another ‘good’ lie. You can certainly tell them outrightly, but when you truly feel that you cannot give a genuine reason, as you work on yourself on this journey, as you find your place in this journey, or as you go deeper into yourself, just come up with any kind of reason.

Maybe you can say something like, “I’m studying,” “I’m changing work locations,” or “I’m working night shifts for something.” Just something, a temporary measure as you find yourself. Because ultimately, when you set boundaries or prioritize yourself, it will always harm others in quotation. Because no one wants to see you thriving or being independent or thinking for yourself, especially within a dysfunctional family.

Like, they won’t really want to see you thriving or just living your life or even if you’re traveling or even if you don’t want to get married. No, they’ll want to have that control over you or they’ll want to feel that they have an impact in your life. That’s why giving them a reason that you are distancing yourself will not really bother you. They may get angry, resentful, they may call you names, they may call every family member to tell them about how selfish you are. That’s why sometimes lying, if you don’t have the capacity to say no and block them, can be a good way.

But there’s no problem distancing yourself from your family for the sake of your own well-being. In fact, it’s the best thing to do for you and for future generations to come. It demonstrates the lengths you’re willing to go to protect yourself because if you don’t, who will? So sometimes it’s very necessary to distance yourself, and you don’t have to feel obligated towards them. That’s just part of your upbringing, how you’ve been conditioned since childhood. If there’s no golden rule or a feeling of obligation, then that’s just your mind playing tricks on you. But if you truly want to be free, sometimes you have to challenge these notions. And one of the things you must challenge is the idea of family.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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