Healing from Abusive Relationship: Why Being ‘Patient with Yourself’ May Not be Enough

Healing from Abusive Relationship: Why Being ‘Patient with Yourself’ May Not be Enough healing from abusive relationship: why being ‘patient with yourself’ may not be enough
Photo by Abbas Tehrani on Unsplash

Today, I’ll be explaining this very important concept in your healing journey which is being ‘patient with yourself.’

Imagine you’re in pain, feeling really bad, thinking about the things they did to you, and feeling that your life is a total mess because of what you went through in the past. You might be at a point where you don’t see a future for yourself, don’t trust anyone, can’t envision any relationships, marriage, and fear ending up alone. Then, someone tells you, ‘Hey, I just want you to be patient with yourself.’

Does this advice of just being patient with yourself always work, or is there another side to it? Actually, in itself, it may seem like a great idea, saying, ‘Yeah, healing is a journey, just be patient, and it will be okay.’ To some extent, that’s true, but there’s another level where we aren’t being told, or where you might find yourself becoming so hard on yourself. You’re patient, but the pain isn’t going away. You might be wondering why.

I believe the best advice should be: ‘Be patient with yourself, but take action.’ You can be patient, but what are you doing with that patience? Are you just seeking another relationship, reading about toxic relationships, consuming content on toxic relationships, or constantly stalking your ex, seeking revenge? Yes, you can be patient, but the actions you are taking might keep you stuck or cause you more pain.

So, it’s not just about being patient with yourself; it’s about being patient while taking proactive steps to work on the pain. How can you be patient when you’re sitting on something painful?

Imagine sitting in a burning house; someone tells you to be patient. Of course, the best thing to do is get out of the house first, then be patient while looking for another house. Similarly, with your healing journey, it requires patience, but what are you doing with that patience?

Are you still doing the same things that led you to toxic relationships in the past? Or are you taking proactive steps to work on aspects within yourself that may draw you into harmful patterns? This could include negative beliefs, lack of boundaries, poor self-esteem, or other factors leading to the same harmful patterns in life.


So, it’s not just about being patient; it’s about taking proactive steps towards improving and growing as a person. This growth is on a deeper level. Just being patient with yourself is not enough unless you’re taking proactive steps.

Other people may be patient and go for therapy, saving money for it, while others may be patient and indulge in substances to numb the pain. Choose the right kind of patience, which is being patient with yourself and making the conscious choice to work on the pain, deal with the pain, or face the pain you went through. That’s the best kind of patience in your healing journey: patience and taking corrective action.

This can involve going for therapy, knowing that you’re being guided by someone who understands what you’re going through. That’s the best kind of patience because you know that by being patient with the therapeutic process, there will be a positive outcome. Patience with a positive outcome, not just patience without knowing if you’ll ever overcome this.

I hope you find this information helpful, guys. Just being patient may not be enough or the best advice. Sometimes, being patient and taking corrective action can be a better option.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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