Healing from Abusive Relationship: It Doesn’t Have To Take Forever

Healing from Abusive Relationship: It Doesn’t Have To Take Forever healing from abusive relationship: it doesn’t have to take forever
Photo by Aleksandr Ledogorov on Unsplash

Today, I’ll be exploring a common aspect related to recovering after leaving an abusive relationship — a belief that often circulates, suggesting that healing has to take a forever. You might find yourself thinking, “It’s been a long time, and I don’t even remember some of the traumatic experiences I went through.” Logically, you may perceive the healing process as having to identify and address each individual instance of hurt separately. Approaching it this way can indeed make it feel like the healing journey takes an eternity.

You’re also basing your understanding on books and articles, trying to comprehend why you got into the situation, and thinking that healing is a systematic, logical process. However, no amount of logical thinking or reading can truly help you heal.

Looking at it logically, you may feel overwhelmed by the quantity of work you believe you need to do. You might think you have to understand your inner child, grasp the concept of trauma, or even acquire a degree in psychology. This logical perspective can complicate your healing journey, leading you to try various methods from therapy, mindful practices, buying crystals, meditation, and gratitude practices without a clear direction. All these things are good for you but you may also get lost in them.

The mind, accustomed to an abusive environment, may resist exploring alternative perspectives and keep you stuck by giving excuses. The main excuse being that healing will take forever. However, this belief is not necessarily your true conviction but rather something fed by the mind to keep you in a familiar place.

But healing doesn’t have to take forever. It depends on your approach to healing. If you’re solely focused on reading books and watching videos without a structured plan, you may never find the light. However, effective therapy that goes to the root cause of the problem can significantly expedite the healing process. The root causes are often hidden beneath the surface, and good therapy helps you communicate with your subconscious mind to release pent-up emotions. The term “root cause” refers to the fundamental, underlying issues or experiences that contribute to the manifestation of your current emotional or psychological challenges or the countless symptoms you’re experiencing in the present moment.

Analogy- Untying a Wool of String

To understand this better, let’s explain it using the analogy of untying a wool of string. Imagine the emotional struggles and symptoms you’re facing as a tangled, knotted ball of yarn. Each knot represents a specific issue or trauma or stuck emotion that has influenced your current state.

Now, if you approach this tangle carelessly, attempting to untie knots without understanding the interconnectedness, you might find that the process becomes overwhelming and you never truly reach the end of the string. You will end up make it worse or tangling it further. This haphazard approach can lead to frustration and feeling stuck in a vicious cycle of addressing symptoms without resolving the core issues.

On the other hand, good therapy acts as a guided and deliberate process. It’s like having a skilled guide who helps you navigate the knots methodically. Instead of randomly tugging at the string, therapy assists you in understanding the origin of each knot, carefully unraveling them from the root. By addressing the root causes, you’re not just alleviating symptoms but effectively untangling the entire string.

Healing is not a purely logical process; it’s about understanding and addressing the root causes emotionally. Viewing it as a loop, where cutting one aspect allows everything else to fall into place, can simplify the journey. It doesn’t have to be as complicated as you might think. At times, the more you try to figure out or understand, the more you make it challenging for yourself. This is because you’re viewing the situation from the same distorted lens or stuck identity that you’ve used before. Overanalyzing or attempting to understand complex emotional issues with the same mindset that contributed to the challenges can create a cycle of difficulty.

You Don’t need to ‘Know’

Interestingly, I’ve worked with individuals who had limited knowledge about trauma or abusive relationships. Their primary goal was simply to overcome the pain they were experiencing. Surprisingly, for some of them, the healing journey took only a few weeks. In one particular case, it took just one week for significant insights to emerge, allowing them to regain a sense of choice and control in their lives. This highlights the power of effective therapeutic interventions, demonstrating that a lack of extensive information about trauma or abuse doesn’t necessarily impede the healing process. Sometimes, a focused and committed approach can yield remarkable results in a relatively short period.


On the other hand, those who were well-versed in the subject sometimes took longer. The innocence of not knowing everything about abuse might actually be an advantage in your healing journey, as trust in the therapeutic process can be more straightforward.

In conclusion, challenging the belief that healing takes forever is crucial. Committing to change, facing your past, and seeking effective therapy can significantly impact the speed and success of your healing journey.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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