Healing from Abuse: Why Hating Your Ex Not Equivalent to Healing?

Healing from Abuse: Why Hating Your Ex Not Equivalent to Healing? healing from abuse: why hating your ex not equivalent to healing?
Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

Today I’d like to talk about a very common aspect for those who have been in abusive relationship. This aspect involves thinking that by hating people, as you might tell yourself or your friends, you’re somehow right. You might say, “Nowadays I really hate women so much and I’ve moved on, but I hate women so much.” Or, “I hate men so much, or I hate any specific gender just because of my past relationships.”

By “hating” here, it means avoiding them, not wanting to interact with them, or even despising your ex, not wanting to see them, and wishing them the worst in their lives. Sometimes, you may liken this aspect to healing because you think that by hating them, you’re protecting yourself from being hurt or betrayed again.

Let’s first understand this hate. This hate towards your ex or those who hurt you in the past offers you a sense of protection. When you hate something, you naturally move away from it as far as possible, thereby avoiding potential hurt. If you hate your friends or your ex, you’ll feel that hate repelling you from them, and by avoiding them, you feel like you’re moving on. However, hating them isn’t equivalent to healing. Yes, it’s a step towards healing, but it’s not the same thing.

Your Hate is Legit

Your hate is authentic, but it’s not equivalent to healing. It’s still a reaction to the people who hurt you. While those who hurt you may be living their lives, you’re the one carrying this negativity, which weighs you down like an unnecessary load. You might think you’ve moved forward, but you’re still carrying baggage that you should have left behind. It’s a good step in your healing journey, but it’s not the end. Acknowledging this hate is the first step in letting go of it. When you acknowledge the hate, you begin to understand that holding onto it only hurts you.

Healing isn’t about hating your ex, nor is it about ‘loving’ them. It’s about being indifferent or letting go of feelings of anger and resentment towards them, or towards the events of the past, or the memories you have of what they put you through. You also don’t have to ‘love’ them or practice the opposite of hate, convincing yourself that you’ve moved on. If you try to love them, it will only prolong the healing process. It will only create inner conflict because hate and ‘love’ are indeed two sides of the same coin.

Once you acknowledge the negativity, that’s when you will find healing or reach the point where you can see them, even at their highest or lowest point in life, without feeling so much anger and resentment boiling inside you. You may sense something stirring within you, but it will not linger, much like the wind. When you heal, you may still experience a hint of anger when you encounter them, but those negative emotions will not take root in your inner world.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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