Healing From Abuse: The Pitfalls of ‘Sharing Your Story’

Healing From Abuse: The Pitfalls of ‘Sharing Your Story’ healing from abuse: the pitfalls of ‘sharing your story’
Photo by Valery Tenevoy on Unsplash

Today, I’d like to discuss a common and complex aspect of healing from abuse: the benefits and pitfalls of sharing your story. Sharing your experiences with others can be incredibly cathartic — it’s like shining a light on your journey and finding solace in the fact that others are listening and perhaps even learning from your experiences. It’s also relieving when you learn that you’re not the only one who has gone through or who is going through those negative experiences from someone who once claimed they ‘loved you.

It’s also empowering to know that your story has the potential to inspire or help someone else navigate their own challenges in their healing journey. When you’ve overcome a traumatizing experience or navigated through the manipulation of others, there’s a natural inclination to share your story. Not only does sharing offer a sense of liberation for yourself and validation, but it also serves as a guiding light for others who may be facing similar challenges. Your journey gives others hope, shining light on the path for those who may feel lost in the darkness of their own struggles.

Indeed, the healing journey often commences with the simple act of opening up and discussing our experiences. When we begin to articulate our struggles, it signifies a crucial step in acknowledging and confronting the painful realities we’ve endured.

Typically, we find avenues to share our stories in online forums or support groups, where we discover a supportive community eager to offer understanding and empathy. The validation and encouragement we receive from others can be incredibly uplifting, reinforcing the notion that we’re not alone in our struggles.


In essence, sharing our stories serves as a powerful affirmation of our experiences and can foster a sense of empowerment and resilience. However, amidst the benefits, there lies a couples of traps potential traps that may keep you stuck with your story and keep you away from going inwards.

The Secondary Gain of Sharing Your Story

Secondary gain refers to the unintended benefits or rewards that individuals may receive because of their symptoms or behaviors. While it may be beneficial to share your story, the problem or the ‘benefit’ often comes when you start craving the attention and validation that comes with it. At first, you might share your experiences with the hope of finding support and understanding, which is completely natural. But as people respond with sympathy, praise, or admiration, it’s easy to get hooked on that positive feedback. You start seeking more and more validation from others, and sharing your story becomes more about getting approval from them than about your own healing.

This focus on seeking validation from others can actually hold you back from healing. Instead of dealing with your own emotions and working through your traumas, you end up depending too much on the reactions of others. It’s like you’re stuck in a loop, always looking for outside validation instead of facing your own inner struggles. And in the end, this can hinder your progress toward true healing, because you’re not really addressing the root of the problem — you’re just chasing after external validation.

So, if you’re a people pleaser or the kind of person who’s constantly seeking validation from others, for example, it will mean that you will have changed the context of your identity and not the structure. You’ve left the abusive relationship on an external level, which is a very good thing, but you’re still deeply empty and lacking, and now there’s no ‘pain’ to motivate you to go inwards. In short, you’re ‘benefiting’ from being stuck in a toxic relationship with yourself.

Prioritize Going Inwards

Here’s the thing: you may really want to make the world a ‘better place’, but how about making your own world a better place first? Wouldn’t that be a more solid seed you’ve planted? Before sharing your story with others, it’s vital to prioritize your own healing journey. Take the time to work through your own issues and emotional baggage so that when you do share, it comes from a place of compassion and authenticity rather than a need for validation or external approval.

Think of it like this: just as you wouldn’t embark on a journey without first preparing yourself mentally and physically, you shouldn’t share your story without first ensuring that you’ve addressed your own emotional needs. Only when you’ve done the internal work can you share your story with clarity, compassion, and purpose. You can share your story but be watchful that it’s not just another colourful band-aid for your unhealed wounds. It’s really tempting to want to help others or share your experiences with them, but it’s often the path of least resistance. The most emotionally challenging path, however, is the one that will lead you to inner peace, which is going into your inner world.

So, while sharing your story can be a valuable tool for connection and healing, it’s essential to approach it mindfully and with self-awareness. Remember, the goal of your healing journey is ultimately to prioritize yourself and your well-being above all else.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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