Healing From Abuse: How You Really Complicate Your Healing Journey?

Healing From Abuse: How You Really Complicate Your Healing Journey? healing from abuse: how you really complicate your healing journey?
Photo by Susan Q Yin on Unsplash

Let’s say you’ve left an abusive relationship or you recently learned about spirituality or all those things. Then, you’re really working on yourself, to the point where you’re overworking on yourself.

So, what mostly happens in this journey is that sometimes we really complicate it, especially when we start thinking that we know. You may learn about inner child, trauma, types of narcissism, attachment styles, boundaries, and other things. It’s all about you learning a lot of concepts and what we can call psychological jargon. These terms and ideas are conceptualizations created by people to explain certain aspects of psychology and human behavior. They are tools for understanding and navigating psychological processes, but they are not inherent truths. Different individuals and experts may have varying interpretations and understandings of these concepts.

Mind is A Great Accumulator

So, when you find yourself with these concepts, you end up getting confused because you now feel that you have this attachment style, you have inner child problems, you have this type of trauma, you have this type of anxiety, you have this type of phobia, and so on. What happens is you end up thinking that you have all those things you’ve read. You may think you have phobias like agoraphobia, verophobia or various other kinds because you are now knowledgeable, and you are in the early stages of your healing journey. When you’re in the early stages of healing, you mind will be consuming a lot of literature and your mind will be collecting all those things.

Your mind will read something and then just reinforce what you really believe about yourself. The mind will read something about agoraphobia, and then it will be like, “Yeah, I have that.” You read something about trauma, “Yeah, I have that.” You read something about inner child, “Yeah, I have that.” So, it’s all about your mind trying to accumulate things so that it can keep you stuck or make you really feel that there’s no way out for you.

Healing From Abuse: How You Really Complicate Your Healing Journey? healing from abuse: how you really complicate your healing journey?

Accumulation = Self-Preservation

Something about the mind or how you currently perceive yourself is that it will always seek self-preservation. And one of the common traps or forms of self-preservation is just accumulating things. It gets to the point where you really think that you have a thousand conditions. You started this journey without knowing anything, and you were in a very good space. Say you were just feeling sad, angry, the normal emotions which are authentic emotions. But now, because you are learning these things, you start accumulating and thinking that you know, and thinking that you have all these things. And that’s how your journey becomes complex.

Complexity of Knowing

As a result, when you begin identifying with these concepts, such as “I have this” or “I have that,” you may feel compelled that you have to address every single aspect of them. You will think that you need to ‘work on yourself’ by working on these tiny bits of concepts. For instance, it can lead to a belief that you require inner child healing, trauma healing, addressing past generational issues, and even resorting to methods like hexing or exorcism. This conclusion arises from the notion that the unhealed version of yourself has accumulated a plethora of issues due to the extensive reading and exposure to various concepts.

That’s why sometimes a healing journey can actually be so complex, especially for someone who reads a lot. You may really read a lot and then end up getting more and more stuck because you are not changing on a deeper level, you’re just accumulating things on top of something which is already there. And all these things are actually concepts which others have come up with. Yes, they explain things about behavior, but they are concepts.

Concepts Become Your Identity

Thus, you find yourself accumulating these concepts and attributing them to your identity. You may start seeing yourself as agoraphobic, anxious-attached, inner child wounded, generational cursed child, codependent, golden child, or any other concept you come across. This complicates your healing journey as you see yourself having a lot of problems which all started by you innocently picking that book or by you ‘working on yourself.’ What you need to realize is these false identities emerge as manifestations of your symptoms but they entangle you in a web of stagnation and confusion as to where you’re supposed to start. It’s like being trapped in a cycle of false identities that reinforce your symptoms and thus prevent you from seeing the symptom for what it is. Your sense of self becomes a fusion of multiple symptoms.

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Looking For Strategies for Your Symptoms

Furthermore, your journey becomes even more complicated when you begin seeking out various solutions for your multiple symptoms. For instance, you might come across techniques for managing your phobias or anxiety, such as tapping, binaural beats, the 12-step approach, or any other self-management strategies you find online. However, this can create the illusion that 24 hours in a day is insufficient time for you to consume or practice all these techniques. In doing so, you lose sight of the fact that your problem didn’t originate from lacking techniques, but rather, you are seeking techniques to address the existing problem. Consequently, relying solely on these techniques may leave you feeling exhausted and further entrenched in your healing journey. That’s how it becomes even more complicated.

Simplicity and Innocence of Your Healing Journey

Don’t complicate your journey by looking at everything on the internet and telling yourself that you have that. Instead, the best place to start is to simply seek very good therapy where you can investigate the root cause of the problem.

I understand the temptation to want to learn for yourself or to be the ‘hero’ in your healing journey, or the temptation of wanting to learn so that you can teach others (more like taking a shower from your legs to your head). When you invest so much in learning by yourself, you will conclude that you have each and every new psychological disorder, and that’s where your pain wants you to be — stuck.

Healing From Abuse: How You Really Complicate Your Healing Journey? healing from abuse: how you really complicate your healing journey?
Photo by MI PHAM on Unsplash

What you need to understand about your conclusions is that they will always be about symptoms and from your surface-level awareness. These symptoms come in all shapes and sizes and in all different forms. They can come with phobias, unmanageable anxiety, unmanageable stress, loneliness, isolation, and all those things. So, when you identify with a lot of symptoms, you complicate your healing journey.

But when you go for therapy to deal with the root cause of these symptoms, you will realize that actually, there was only one problem: you’ve not really dealt with your past or you’ve not really processed some things from your past. Be the child in your healing journey and be more willing to seek help. Just do your due diligence on the therapy you’re pursuing and focus on root-cause-based therapy instead of symptom-based therapy.

Healing is Unconscious Work

The root causes to your problems are locked in a compartment in your mind or your subconscious mind and you may not be able to unlock them by yourself because of the cunningness of your own perceptions. So, sometimes the safest route is just going for therapy which works with the subconscious part of your mind without even you reading about it, without even you trying to really find associations with things, trying to conclude, to jump into conclusions or to grasp all those concepts.

It can be so easy. In fact, the easiest clients to work with most times are the clients who don’t really know anything about psychology or all these psychological things because they just come to me and tell me, “Hey, I’m just feeling very bad. I’ve been betrayed by my ex. Please help me.” It becomes so easy because of that innocence they’re displaying.

Even when I have sessions with my fellow therapists, it can at times be hard because we do get too logical about it or too analytical about the process yet the process or the healing is mostly beyond the logic.

What To Do When Doing it By Yourself?

In instances where you’re really doing this by yourself, where you can start is simply understanding or separating concepts or the conclusions you have about your own problems from how you’re feeling. Your answers are in the feelings you’re having and not in concepts you read online. The concepts may offer insights, but be watchful of how your mind is trying to suck you in. Don’t just read something and then say, “I’m that.” Question everything from a positively skeptical point of view; don’t just believe because the experts have said it. You’re the expert of your own life; you know how you’re feeling.

Just understand that while someone else may be trying to convey a message and explain something to you, it doesn’t mean that you are that. It is simply a symptom of something you’re experiencing. Like detaching yourself from the symptom you’re experiencing because you are what’s beyond it. You are not the symptom. You are not all those concepts. They simply explain things, which is perfectly okay. Instead, focus on what’s behind what you’re currently experiencing. That’s a very profound concept to contemplate. How much easier would your life be if you could simply observe without labeling yourself?

Conclusion

My best suggestion is to seek help before delving too deeply and complicating your healing journey. Overanalyzing and obsessing over these things can make the process much more difficult. Remember, healing is not solely a logical process; it involves working with aspects of yourself that you may not even be aware of.

So, instead of getting caught up in analyzing symptoms and feeling overwhelmed by the various techniques and approaches you feel you must undertake, try starting with where you are now and focusing on what you are feeling. Sometimes, the solution can be simpler than you think, right in front of you.

However, the mind’s tendency to keep you stuck may lead it to overcomplicate matters, preventing you from realizing that you are not as bad off as you may believe. You may just need to make a few adjustments or work on some negative beliefs.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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