Healing from Abuse: How to Motivate Yourself on Your Healing Journey

Healing from Abuse: How to Motivate Yourself on Your Healing Journey healing from abuse: how to motivate yourself on your healing journey
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If there’s something that can really be hard to come by in your healing journey after leaving an abusive relationship or even when it comes to personal development, it’s finding the motivation to do the work. The work we are talking about here is not merely scratching the surface by sharing your story, joining forums, reading books, or talking about the abusers; we’re talking about the deep inner work where you face your own inner stuff, you face your lack of boundaries, your pain, your unhealed wounds, or simply the motivation to fully focus on yourself or to even invest in quality therapy. Anyone can do the upper level stuff, as it doesn’t require much motivation.

You may not really feel like going for therapy; you may just want to complain about the past, complain about what they did to you, or just cling to the past and look like a helpless victim in this. When you’re stuck in this state of victimhood, you will never really see solutions; you’ll never really see a way out of it because you always feel that everything is against you. Even if someone offers to help you for free or for a price, you may not really want it and you’ll even feel that maybe they are exploiting you.

Something about being stuck in pain is that the pain you are stuck in will always want to keep you in that state because it has become a familiar environment to you.

So when the pain wants to keep you stuck, it will mean that you lack the motivation to get out of it. It’s painful, yes, but it’s become so comfortable that you don’t have any inner motivation to do anything about it. You can’t really see any kind of light beyond your suffering, and you struggle to find any sort of motivation or inner drive to forge a better life for yourself.

You may have been getting some sort of inspiration from your partner or from the relationship, but now that they have betrayed you, you really feel lost without any ounce of inspiration to move forward. When you lack the motivation in your healing journey, it can really be hard to even seek help or to transform on a deeper level as you may not be seeing the point of working on yourself.

So, what do you do? How do you really get that motivation or that initial spike to work on yourself or to journey the road less traveled or to go inward?

Inverse Motivation — What Are You Missing Out on?

Actually, to get that motivation, the best thing to do is to look at what you are missing out on in life by being in this state. Like being in this state of being stuck where you are not sleeping well, you’re not eating well, you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re not having any friends, you don’t have any quality relationships, you are not performing well in your job, you are not concentrating, you are overthinking. What are some of the things you are missing out on?

That’s a very good question to ask yourself. And then you can just journal it or write down the things you are missing out on.

And then, now you ask yourself a question like, what will you benefit once you get out of this state? What will you benefit once you free yourself from this past?

Of course, you’ll find yourself having healthy relationships, you’ll be happier, you’ll feel lighter, you’ll feel free, you’ll have boundaries, you’ll have more money, you’ll have more opportunities, you’ll be focusing more on your career, you’ll be chasing your dreams, you’ll be fulfilling your potential.

Once you break free from this, once you overcome this, you’ll be able to live a life where you are a role model to others, you are free, you are joyful, you are smiling most times, even when you have nothing, you are looking forward to the next day, you feel like your life has some sort of meaning to it, like it’s just a life which you always dreamed of in the past, let’s say before that abusive relationship. You’ll realize that the things you will gain once you get out of this state are a lot of beautiful things to the point where you are willing to invest anything or all the energy to get out of where you are.

It’s about shifting your perspective from what you lost or the pain you’re going through to the benefits you will get once you heal. Even when you don’t know how to heal or where or when you will find that healing, simply looking at the benefits you will gain once you heal can offer you a fresh perspective and something to look forward to once you’ve healed.

Something about always keeping your eyes glued to the past or what they did to you is that you stop looking at the possibilities you might have in the future or even the things to be grateful for in the present moment. A simple question like, what will happen to you if you heal from this? Not if you even stay stuck can be so freeing.

Because sometimes, if you look at what will happen to you if you stay stuck, you may really not have the motivation to work on it as you may feel hopeless. But sometimes, it may also be good to see the things or see the possibilities which are out there for you. Even if those possibilities are over the moon, just see them.


Seeing them doesn’t equate to avoiding your present circumstances; it’s more about seeing what’s possible if you do the work in the present moment. It’s much different from toxic positivity, where you only wish for the positive but ignore the present. Give it a try and see how it goes; sometimes, maybe that’s the initial process you need to take to start your healing journey. It doesn’t have to be complex; every now and then, the simple aspects are what will let that emotional baggage out of us.


Motivation can be very challenging because the mind tends to keep you stuck in that state. The relationship may have taken away all your motivation, all the things you wanted, or all the things you desired in life. But now, what you can do to rejuvenate motivation is to look at the things you desire, to look at the things you secretly desire for yourself. And then, you’ll realize that maybe it’s not that bad after all. Perhaps you really need to push yourself one day at a time to get out of that pain.

Motivation is never easy, but start by looking at the things you are missing out on, and then reflect on those things or reframe them as the things you look forward to once you break free from this. There are a lot of things you can do in life aside from just watching videos or reading about narcissism. You can travel the world, you can open a business, you can look for new relationships, new adventures. But when you are really stuck in pain, you’ll focus more on how people are bad, like the world is a terrible place. You’re not really focusing on other things like some people who are doing amazing things out there.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.


1. https://www.theguesthouseocala.com/finding-the-motivation-to-heal/

2. https://overcomewithus.com/trauma/how-to-stay-motivated-and-committed-to-your-healing-journey-in-trauma-informed-counseling#:~:text=Develop%20and%20Maintain%20Healthy%20Coping%20Strategies&text=By%20practicing%20self%2Dcare%2C%20engaging,committed%20to%20your%20healing%20journey.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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