Healing from Abuse: Are you Feeling Like an Outlier in Your Healing Journey?

Healing from Abuse: Are you Feeling Like an Outlier in Your Healing Journey? healing from abuse: are you feeling like an outlier in your healing journey?
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Today, I want to talk about feeling like an outlier in your journey to healing. Being an outlier means feeling like you’re different from others, like your path to healing isn’t the same, or that therapy won’t help you, or that getting better isn’t something you believe is possible for you. It’s like feeling separate or unique in your struggles.

A common concern I encounter from clients is when I explain that healing doesn’t necessarily require a long time, like a year or more. Many respond with doubts, saying things like, “but… I don’t think it will work for me,” or “I just feel like my situation is so different.” Some even express feelings of unworthiness, saying, “I think this is too good for me.” While it’s true that everyone’s path to healing is unique, including yours.

In my experience working with clients, I’ve noticed that this concern is quite common. When a concern becomes widespread among many clients, it suggests that most people share this perspective. Many feel like outliers. You might think you’re an outlier because your mind generates various legitimate or seemingly legitimate excuses to keep you stuck where you are. Feeling like an outlier is a common excuse.

Of course, let’s first address the logical aspect of why you might feel like an outlier. Let’s say you’ve been attending therapy for a couple of years now, and you haven’t noticed much progress. Yes, there has been some progress, but you still feel stuck. Despite making strides, you continue to experience persistent pain. You might wake up feeling tired, dwell on thoughts of your ex, or feel traumatized or triggered from time to time.


Naturally, when you’ve been in therapy for a significant period and you perceive limited progress, it’s understandable to conclude that you’re an outlier. It seems logical to think that if something isn’t working for you, then perhaps your situation is different, and you may never overcome it. This is how your mind deceives you.

So, your mind will develop mechanisms to keep you in that comfort zone, and some of these mechanisms can be deeply ingrained beliefs that prevent you from seeking help or considering alternatives or other possible scenarios. Your mind may not allow you to see the possibility that perhaps the therapy you’re undergoing only addresses the surface level of the problem or provides a simplistic or a wrong solution or conclusion.

Our issue with many therapies is that they sometimes simplify matters by concluding, “it’s trauma, let’s work with trauma,” or “it’s the inner child, let’s focus on the inner child.” However, without thorough investigation, these conclusions can keep you trapped in a cycle. It feels more like guesswork. This is why you might genuinely feel like an outlier, but you’re not. The person who encountered the problem is still you, and it’s the same mind which will provide us with the solution.

It’s simply following the same path that led to the development of this problem. By understanding this, you can uncover why you’re feeling stuck. You might believe you’re an outlier because your mind has grown accustomed to being stuck in this position or state of pain for a long time, perhaps since childhood. Your mind becomes resistant to change because it has become familiar with this pain. Sometimes, you might find yourself in therapy not because you genuinely want to change, but merely to convince yourself that you’re seeking help. However, you remain trapped in the cycle of pain.

Also, sometimes you need to question yourself, like, “Hey, why have I been going to therapy for the past three, four months? Am I genuinely making progress?” Sometimes, you just need to be honest with yourself. If you’re not making progress, it’s okay to change your therapist. There’s no problem with that. Yeah, because what’s the point of paying session by session when you genuinely feel that you’re not making progress? Sometimes, you just have to have that deep conversation with yourself or ask yourself, “Am I really making progress, or am I just going there to feel reassured?”

Because sometimes therapy can become another crutch. When it fails to empower you to stand up on your own, it becomes a crutch. When something becomes a crutch, you’re not truly willing to let go of the past completely. You just want something to lean on to feel better temporarily.

But real growth means being willing to go all the way, to take the road less traveled, and to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs. Because once you overcome these beliefs, you realize that you were the one who found themselves in the problem, and you are the one who can find your way out. It’s possible to overcome what you’ve been through. It’s possible to overcome those beliefs, and it doesn’t have to be as complicated as you might think. The moment you start overthinking it, you’ll only make it more complicated. But if you simply seek the help you need, you’ll see that this journey isn’t complicated at all. It’s actually an enjoyable journey, and you just have to commit and enjoy the process.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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