Healing — Are you Transforming or Are you Just Scratching the Surface?

Healing — Are you Transforming or Are you Just Scratching the Surface? are you transforming or are you just scratching the surface?
Photo by Alfred Schrock on Unsplash

We always talk about healing but how do we really know if we’re healing or just scratching the surface? I am talking more about healing from narcissistic abuse. There are lot of misconceptions out there when it comes to healing and if you’re not really careful, you may just resign and give up in your healing journey.

You may find yourself scratching the surface year after year without really breaking free from those unconscious patterns for good.

You are repeating the same patterns because you’re dealing with the symptoms, which are just external manifestations of what’s lurking deep inside. When you focus on the symptoms, you will never get rid of the problems from where they originated from.

Your problems are a result of your past experiences or past traumatic experiences which have been trapped inside your body and mind. When you develop coping mechanisms for the symptoms, you’re really just scratching the surface. It will offer temporary relief but it will not fully transform you as a person.

You may feel better for a couple of weeks and months but what’s buried deep inside will still resurface. You may study and even identify yourself with labels like being codependent or identify yourself with an attachment style.

But that’s still not it, labelling yourself will make you aware of those things and you may even develop great coping mechanisms to help you navigate your life.

There’s no problem with that but the thing is you’re still basing your life on the symptoms and your current behaviors. To completely transform, you dissolve those identities by processing what caused those labels. It’s more of instead of taking those labels as who you are, you go deeper and make peace with past experiences so that you can be free of those levels and just be.

Like, how did you become codependent, boundary-less or have that attachment style in the first place? You were not born with it, you learned it or your were programmed with it in a certain stage in life.


Your current thoughts and beliefs are rooted in the past. They’re rooted in your past traumatic experiences or your conditioning (what you’ve learned from your caregivers and environment). Most of your healing techniques focus on plucking the leaves (dealing with the things above the surface — results in no permanent change and takes a lot of time). Now imagine what happens if you go directly to the root of the tree (you will be able to uproot the tree and transform all your beliefs).

So, full transformation is more of dealing with what’s below the surface, what’s beyond your current level of awareness. It’s bringing what’s in your subconscious to the conscious.

That’s what we do with unconscious work, we’re working with what’s below the surface at the very core because that is what causes all those symptoms.

Your identification with your past experiences is what’s making you stuck with those painful patterns. So, if you don’t go below the surface, you’re just spending way too much time, energy, effort and money trying to just work above the surface.

You may logically understand and even weigh yourself down with all this content but that will not bring about permanent transformation because your unconscious beliefs will still be running the show behind the scenes.

Your identifications with the past are what’s causing those subconscious beliefs which are then limiting your scope of life. It’s not about finding the tools first, it’s about releasing your baggage then you’re free to use those tools without any constraints and fear.

The most powerful part of deep inner healing is transforming those inner wounds you’ve been carrying with you and releasing those inner blocks that’s stopping you from living more presently.

It’s not about adding band-aids to the wounds, it is healing those wounds so that you can transform, release and shift everything in your current life.

Without those wounds, you will be operating your life without those liming negative beliefs about you, relationships and love affecting your present behaviors and circumstances.

You will be able to act freely without the past consciously or unconsciously limiting you.

So, you commitment and you healing modality should be channeled towards going to the root of the problem and not just plucking the leaves.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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