Grief After Abuse: Is It Okay to Grieve the Loss of Your Abusive Relationship?

Grief After Abuse: Is It Okay to Grieve the Loss of Your Abusive Relationship? grief after abuse: is it okay to grieve the loss of your abusive relationship?
Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

Today, I’ll be addressing the question of whether it’s okay to grieve after leaving an abusive relationship. It’s not just okay; it’s a crucial part of the healing process. Despite the abusive nature of the relationship and the pain it caused, grieving is a natural and necessary step to acknowledge the things you lost.

In the aftermath of an abusive relationship, the aspects you might find yourself grieving include the envisioned future of the relationship, the broken promises, and even the occasional positive moments, however small, that you experienced. Even in an abusive relationship, there may be a fraction where it provided some form of warmth or support. Losing even this small positive aspect can be a source of grief.

Allowing yourself the time and space to grieve is a natural process, a healing journey that permits you to process and release these emotions. The challenge arises when you start feeling that you shouldn’t grieve or experience these emotions. Healing is about releasing these emotions, but if you’ve been manipulated and stripped of your true nature in the abusive relationship, you may harbor thoughts that expressing these emotions is not good for you

This is where it’s crucial to break free from the thought pattern that discourages grieving. Thoughts like “I should not cry because I left that abusive relationship” need to be addressed. The process of grief is inherently healing, but if you feel blocked or unable to let go, it may indicate the presence of what can be termed as “dirty grief.”

Dirty grief involves the emotions you have not processed during the relationship, emotions like hate and anger towards the abuser. In an abusive relationship, these emotions are often suppressed or invalidated, leaving them unprocessed. Once you exit the relationship, these stuck emotions come to the surface.

It’s important to recognize that these emotions are not new; they are remnants of unprocessed feelings from the past. Healing involves creating a safe space to process these suppressed emotions. True healing embraces the understanding that grief is part of the journey, and crying for something that was not genuine is still a step towards healing.

So, if you find yourself overwhelmed or unable to cry, consider it a signal to create a safe environment to process those unaddressed emotions. Acknowledge that grieving is okay, even for something that was constantly lying to you. Releasing these emotions is a great step to your journey of finding inner peace.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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