Forgetting about your Toxic Ex — Is it Possible to Just Forget About Them?

Forgetting about your Toxic Ex — Is it Possible to Just Forget About Them? forgetting about your toxic ex — is it possible to just forget about them?
Photo by Alex Dukhanov on Unsplash

You’ve been betrayed by someone you once loved and they’re even moving on with someone new. You had those rare good moments together, those good shared experiences, brief glimpses of laughter but most of it was filled with verbal and emotional abuse. You’ve left the abusive relationship and you’re learning more and more about narcissism and abuse.

You now understand manipulative techniques like gaslighting, future faking, blame shifting and other insidious manipulative techniques: most of which you didn’t know about. You begin to realize that almost everything which was happening in the relationship was a façade because the more you understand emotional abuse, the more you take your mind back to moments where you experienced it.

You become aware of the fact that all their lies, excuses and jokes and promises were all well-calculated digs to keep you stuck in the relationship and supply their needs. This hurts even more as it makes you feel so stupid for falling for their games. All this leaves you constantly thinking about the past and ruminating about the reality of what you’ve been through.

You just want to forget about them and forget about the past. You choose to focus on something else to help you forget about the past but it’s not really effective. You may try to keep yourself busy or jump to another relationship or even adopt other unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking.

You try all this but you’re still getting triggered and when you’re triggered, you remember about your past traumatic experiences with your abusive ex. When we keep ourselves busy or ‘focus on something else’ as a way to help us forget, we’re just putting a band-aid on the scars.

You might think that it’s helping you forget but on the contrary, it’s even giving the past more life in your present life. So, it’s more of the past actions of your abusive ex are limiting or dictating the way you live your life presently. You might think of them ‘less’ by doing those things but their seeds are also doing something in your life. Their past actions have distorted your reality and affected the quality of their life.

In fact, “how do I forget about my ex” is one of those commonly-asked questions by anyone who’s been through a difficult heartbreak. What does it really mean? Actually, it’s never really about forgetting about the person who caused harm to you but it’s about letting go of the scars and the baggage they inflicted.

It’s about releasing the trauma (trapped memories and information) from the past painful experiences. When you think about them, it’s just triggering those trapped memories you’re already carrying deep within you. Those scars are the actual reminders of what happened in the past. That’s why you cannot really forget about them or just shove those memories aside or even pretend as if nothing happened.

You don’t have to be bitter and hard on yourself, you just have to show yourself more compassion and work on freeing yourself from the baggage. Healing is not forgetting really, it’s living life in such a way that the past doesn’t have a negative impact or doesn’t limit your actions, emotions and thoughts in your present life.

It’s the point where you might have thoughts about them or even about the past but instead of being triggered or feel bad about yourself, you just let those thoughts pass like the wind. You may even have a slight chuckle as you now deeply know that your past memories or your abusive ex doesn’t define you as a person.

In conclusion, the greatest barrier to forgetting about your ex is you looking for a wrong solution to an underlying problem. It’s you thinking that forgetting about them is a logical problem which can be solved by a logical solution. Here’s the thing, they distorted your inner belief system and ruined your worth and that’s where you need to focus on. Focus on processing and releasing those scars and traumatic memories and you will be free.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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