Feeling Guilty When Cutting Off from an Abusive Partner with Childhood Trauma

Feeling Guilty When Cutting Off from an Abusive Partner with Childhood Trauma feeling guilty when cutting off from an abusive partner with childhood trauma
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

Today, I’ll be addressing the question of what to do if your partner’s childhood trauma makes you feel guilty about leaving the relationship or compels you to stay.

This situation is quite common. Your partner may have had adverse or challenging experiences in their childhood, and due to your sympathetic, loving, and caring nature, you may feel a sense of responsibility to stay in the relationship to take care of them. You believe that their actions are not their own responsibility but rather a result of their past experiences.

While there may be some validity to that perspective, it’s important to understand that your partner’s trauma is ultimately their own responsibility, just as your own trauma is your responsibility. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, don’t feel obligated to stay simply because your partner has childhood trauma. Your own well-being should take precedence.


Establishing boundaries is crucial in this scenario. Clearly define your boundaries and identify what you should not accept in the relationship. You cannot carry the weight of someone else’s past. It’s not your responsibility to work through their childhood traumas on their behalf. This distinction is significant. They are responsible for addressing their past, and you are responsible for taking care of yourself and working through your own trauma.

Remaining in the relationship only leads to accumulating more trauma for yourself. Additionally, your partner is unlikely to acknowledge or address the traumas they have caused in you. They may often use their trauma as a victim card, particularly when trying to manipulate you or elicit sympathy.

You may feel guilty about leaving due to their unhealed trauma, but focus on their present actions. Are they actively working to resolve their traumas, such as seeking therapy or professional help? Or do they merely talk about it, especially when they sense you’re about to leave or when they want to elicit your sympathy?

In abusive relationships, partners often discuss their traumas without making a conscious effort to deal with them, while continuing their inappropriate behaviors, abuse, or manipulation.


Always prioritize your own well-being and don’t let your partner’s trauma prevent you from cutting them off or going no contact. Each individual should carry their own burdens in life and in a relationship. Allow your partner to work on their own burdens first, and then you can foster a healthier relationship together. Remember, your well-being matters and don’t let your partner’s trauma hinder you from taking care of yourself.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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