Dysfunctional Family: Is It Ok to Stop Talking to Your Parents?

Dysfunctional Family: Is It Ok to Stop Talking to Your Parents? dysfunctional family: is it ok to stop talking to your parents?
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Let’s say you’re not really on good terms with your parents. You feel that they are exploiting you, using you for their own needs, not respecting your boundaries, or exhibiting some kind of emotional or verbal abusive behavior. You are an adult, maybe 30 years old, 40 years old, or even 20 years old, just an adult who doesn’t depend on them that much. Let’s say you’re even financially stable, maybe living in a different country, but you feel that you have to talk to them. Every time you talk to them, they put you down, and you feel bad about it. Then you’re asking yourself, should you really block or go not contact with them?

Blocking Them is Very Okay

Actually, there’s no problem with blocking them. As long as something doesn’t bring you peace in life, sometimes the only option is blocking them. Because what’s the point of doing something that’s hurtful to you? Of course, naturally, it doesn’t make sense to put yourself in a situation that’s hurtful to you. Yes, you can say they are your parents, but naturally, it doesn’t make sense for you to put yourself in situations where your boundaries are being violated, where you are being hurt every now and then. You’ve got to take the measures to protect yourself and sometimes logical step like going no contact really does help.

The Complexity of Blocking Your Parents

Going ‘No Contact’ with them will be a very challenging situation because you’re going against someone who raised you and who you’re still attached to. All the bones in your body will be screaming and resisting the idea of cutting off contact with your parents. After all, these are the individuals who nurtured you, who provided for you in your formative years, and with whom you likely share a deep emotional bond. The decision to go ‘No Contact’ involves grappling with conflicting emotions and societal expectations.

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The guilt that accompanies such a decision can be so overwhelming. Society often emphasizes the sacredness of the parent-child relationship, portraying it as an unbreakable bond that should be cherished at all costs. Actually, the common narrative or the common argument when you ask someone about cutting off contact with their parents is, “because they’re your parents”. Once uttered, this statement can overshadow any concerns or logical reasoning you may have. It serves as a blunt dismissal of the complexities involved in familial relationships, leaving little room for nuanced discussion or consideration of individual circumstances. In short, it invalidates your feelings and diminishes the significance of your decision to cut off contact with your parents. This often leads to feelings of inadequacy or moral wrongdoing when you’re considering severing ties with your hurtful parents, which in turn intensifies the sense of guilt associated with your decision-making.

Moreover, going ‘No Contact’ means confronting the reality of estrangement, which can be a deeply painful and isolating experience. It involves acknowledging that the relationship with your parents has become unsustainable which then necessitates a need for you to leave a familiar relationship dynamic. This acknowledgment may trigger a profound sense of loss, grief, and existential questioning as you grapple with the reality of your situation.

Furthermore, there may be practical considerations to consider when contemplating ‘No Contact.’ Cutting off communication with your parents can have significant ripple effects on various aspects of life, including family gatherings, social dynamics, and future inheritance. The prospect of navigating these consequences can add another layer of complexity to an already tense situation, intensifying feelings of uncertainty and anxiety over your decision to go ‘no contact.’

In short, there are a lot of factors that come into play when you’re considering blocking or going ‘no contact’ with your family and it may really require you to confront those deepest fears, challenge ingrained beliefs, and prioritize your emotional well-being despite all those external pressures.

So, should you still do it?

Of course, once you overcome this, freedom and inner peace await you across that bridge. It may not be easy and it all depends on your circumstances, but if there’s one thing you can consider, it’s that there’s no reward for ‘playing pretend’ when inside you’re feeling resentful and angry. You may be making your parents proud as this jovial and obedient kid, but what’s the point when inside you’re feeling like you’re going through hell? It’s even better to look unhappy on the outside but happy on the inside because that is where you are, like the real you, that is where you are when you sleep at night.

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Almost everyone will advise you against doing it, but the only truth you know is that you’ve suffered at their hands, and if you follow that advice, you will never really break free from the generational suffering.

So, asking for advice, mostly in terms of something when you are undergoing pain, may not really yield the fruits you want. But when you really look at the pain and when you want to overcome the pain, sometimes blocking them is okay.

Use Your ‘No Contact to Heal’

One last thing is, once you go no contact, you don’t just stop there; you go no contact to heal or to deal with the feelings of anger and resentment you’re still carrying deep inside. You can go no contact but still harbor the negative emotions and feelings of guilt for your actions, which will simply mean that physically you’ve detached from them, but they’re still haunting you on an inner level, and that’s the level where it matters the most.

There’s no point in these physical gestures of calling them, video calling them, all those things, and then looking or acting like you’re a happy family when deep down you’re hurting. The best thing to do is, it’s okay to block them. And not just blocking them and stopping there, but now go inward and deal with the anger and resentment you have toward them.

Your Parents Are Human Beings as Well

Something interesting will happen when you deal with those negative emotions on the inside: you’ll be able to get to the point where you may start becoming compassionate towards them. And you start to realize that actually, your parents are not just your parents; they are just human beings as well. You may also understand that maybe they are not that toxic after all; you just had expectations of them because they’re your parents, and they also have expectations of you because you’re their child. You will see that they are also conditioned; they also have their own issues.

So, you cannot really understand that they have their own issues on a deeper level until you deal with your own inner issues. That’s when compassion arises. Compassion arises not in the block, but when you deal with feelings of anger and resentment you have towards their actions.

Hope that makes sense, guys. You will feel guilty; you will feel all kinds of negative emotions or discomfort when you block them. But sometimes it’s the best option for you to prioritize your own safety. Because the moment you prioritize your safety is the moment you start to see things from a secure perspective, not from an insecure perspective.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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