Do You Need to Overanalyze if They’re Narcissistic or Not?

Do You Need to Overanalyze if They’re Narcissistic or Not? do you need to overanalyze if they’re narcissistic or not?
Photo by Luke Chesser on Unsplash

Do you really need to overanalyze whether your ex or your partner is a narcissist or just a selfish jerk, or if they’re a different kind of abuser? I came across a question on a Facebook group where someone was asking about the type of abuser they’re dealing with, after listing the abusive behaviors they’ve experienced. Today, I want to share my opinion on whether it’s truly important to overanalyze if your abusive ex is a narcissist or not.

We miss the point

It’s fine to seek understanding, but we often miss the point. The point isn’t to overanalyze whether someone is a narcissist, malignant, or any other label. The point is to examine your own life and the emotional pain you’re experiencing. Are you feeling hurt, stressed, depressed, or unworthy? These are the things you should focus on. Do you feel safe with that person? Do you believe they respect you? Instead of analyzing if someone is a narcissist, the crucial thing is to look inward.

Falling into the trap of analyzing the other person distracts you from examining your own boundaries and understanding why you settle for less. So, don’t fixate on analyzing and scrutinizing the actions of the other person while you’re anxious, lacking boundaries, and unaware of your own anger or sadness. The real purpose of self-work is not to analyze these external factors.

Mind Always Seek Self-Preservation

We often get lost in analysis, and when you constantly focus on the other person, questioning and analyzing, you remain stuck. The mind always chooses the path of least resistance, which is where you are now. It avoids seeking change and challenging itself to ask, “Why am I accepting less?” Moreover, by focusing on them, you evade taking full responsibility for your own life.

Your mind will try to preserve itself and seek comfort. As I mentioned before, it seeks the comfort of familiar pain. So, when you analyze the other person, your mind will create an illusion that you’re okay and that you just need to understand the other person. However, the fact that you’re analyzing the other person indicates that you’re not okay internally. You’re simply running away from your own emotions.

It’s crucial to turn inward and address those emotions, including the painful and negative ones. Engaging in a conflict, whether the other person is labeled as a narcissist or not, means that deep down, you’re distressed. Therefore, focus on the distress you’re feeling within yourself instead of excessively dwelling on whether the other person is a full-fledged narcissist or not. Direct your attention towards yourself

Your mind is also trying to deceive you. When you label your partner as a “full narcissist,” it’s like telling yourself, “Hey, they can’t change.” It becomes the final blow to the last shred of hope you had. You want to maintain the hope that the relationship can still work, despite everything they’ve done to you.

In fact, I’ve interacted with clients who say, “I don’t think my partner is a full narcissist.” But when I ask them how they feel, they express distress. My response is always, “Let’s focus on the distress you’re feeling.” It brings the focus back to you, not them.

Hopium Addiction

Additionally, when you hold onto the hope that your partner will change, it’s because you’ve been accustomed to them for the past 10 years or more. Your mind won’t easily let go of that hope because nobody wants to lose their investment in a relationship. No one wants to let go of the person they’ve spent a decade with.

However, the path to healing lies in the difficult choice of focusing on yourself, taking complete responsibility for your life, addressing your unhealed wounds, and working on your self-worth and self-esteem to find inner peace.

Healing is Clarity

Once you find inner peace, you’ll gain clarity. At present, you’re not seeing clearly. Your mind seeks excuses, the easiest path, and avoids taking responsibility for dealing with the deep wounds within you. However, when you address those things within yourself — the unhealed wounds and the false identities formed due to past experiences — you’ll reach a point where you can see the person without relying on external sources or reading about red flags.

You’ll perceive the person for who they truly are because your perception is a reflection of what you deeply believe about yourself. You will see other people through a clear filter, unaffected by past experiences blurring your vision.

But with your current overanalysis, without healing the past, your vision remains blurred. You’ll never truly find the answer you seek. The true answer lies in working on those old wounds and subconscious beliefs. You’ll understand them only when you understand yourself.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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