DATING: Red Flags to Watch Out on Your First Date

DATING: Red Flags to Watch Out on Your First Date dating: red flags to watch out on your first date
Photo by Hiki App on Unsplash

Every toxic relationship has a beginning, and that beginning is mostly a first date. When you’re on a new date, there are always those early warning signs that you should not proceed with the relationship. Red flags are telltale signs that the relationship you’re about to invest in may turn out to be toxic.

That’s why spotting the early warning signs on that first date can save you from future emotional distress. One thing about the early stages is that you’re thinking more rationally, as you’ve not yet been manipulated and your emotions have not taken control of your decisions.

If you manage to spot the warning signs on your first date, you can pull the plug without investing in that relationship. Of course, some red flags may not be clearly visible during your first date, but there are some common warning signs that you can watch out for. In this article, I am going to share with you some early warning signs that a relationship may turn toxic, and it’s better to disengage.

1. Mudslinging their Ex

When your first date always talks about how their ex was “crazy,” “psycho,” “bipolar,” or just any kind of label that paints their ex as a monster, you’ve got to pause and think twice. If someone constantly talks ill of another person, it’s probably a projection, and they are the guilty party.

When someone talks about their ex like this, they want to win you over by exploiting your sympathetic nature. When they constantly mudsling their exes, they’re also painting this picture of being perfect, which means they will never be accountable for their actions and will always shift the blame to someone else.

2. Constantly Bragging

If your first date constantly brags and talks about their accomplishments and successes, you better watch out. They might show off how ‘flawless’ they are in their lives or projects. They answer any question you ask them with a bragging feeling to really show you they’re on top.

This means that they have a huge ego, and there’s no need to invest in that relationship as you will be put on a lower pedestal. They will want to paint this picture of superiority to hide their deep insecurities. They may even exaggerate a bit to convince you of how great they are.

3. Extreme Criticism of Everything Around Them

If they are extremely critical about the restaurant, food, utensils, service of the restaurant, or just anything near them when you’re on your first date, then that’s a huge red flag. They might also criticize or ridicule their coworkers, neighbors, parents, or just anyone in their life.

They will, of course, do this to everything except you, their date. They will, in fact, be flattering you while everyone else faces their harsh criticism. This is an early indicator that you will be the one facing criticism once you make that relationship official, so it’s better to abandon the ship before it leaves the shore.

4. Many ‘Me Too’ Moments

When you share many common experiences, interests, hobbies, and other things with your first date, you might think that you’ve landed yourself a soulmate. When you mention anything and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is ‘me too,’ then that’s a huge red flag.

Another thing is if someone keeps bringing up all your favorites; there is a higher chance they might have cyberstalked you before the date to win your affection. Similarities bring connection, but not in this way where someone just makes them up to win you over.

5. Love Bombing

Another thing to watch out for on a first date is if they shower you with compliments and words of affection with every word they utter. They may start calling you pet names like ‘babe,’ ‘sweetheart,’ and it’s just your first date.

You haven’t even known each other, but you’re being love bombed in ways that make you smile and hooked. This is, in fact, a bit manipulative, as it will distort your sense of reality at that moment, and your emotions will start taking over your decisions.

6. Complaining about Everything

Another red flag is if your date constantly complains about everything in their lives, from their job, family, car, or just everything without showing any deep contentment or gratitude in life.

They will also open up in a bitter manner, accusing everyone of what’s happening in their lives. This shows that if you invest in that relationship, you will face the same wrath sooner or later, and it’s not someone who takes full responsibility for what’s happening in their lives.

7. Taking Things Too Fast

When you’re on your first date and things are moving too fast, and you even feel like you’ve known each other for ages, then it’s good to get out and get some fresh air.

They might tell you how much they love you, that they will introduce you to their parents the following week, they want to marry you, or talk about the future, yet you barely know each other. They will also be pushy about getting intimate with you on your first date. When it’s too fast, taking it slow is the best answer.

8. They Disrespect Your Boundaries

Another red flag is if your date constantly pushes and crosses the boundaries you’ve set. The way someone reacts to your boundaries on your first date is something to watch out for. It’s more of someone nudging you constantly and disrespecting what you’ve already stated you’re not comfortable with. For example:

– They push you to talk about a topic you’ve already stated you’re not comfortable discussing.

– They insist you have another drink for the millionth time, even though you’ve told them you’ve had enough.

– They insist on taking you home when you’ve already said no.


Dating in this day and age can be a bit complicated, but that shouldn’t stop us from having the relationships we deserve. It may not be easy, of course, to identify if a relationship will turn out to be toxic, as a manipulative person may put on a mask that covers all the red flags.

That’s why the best thing to do is to slow down in every relationship you venture into. Look at the relationship with someone else as a relationship with yourself. The relationship you have with someone is, in fact, a mirror of your inner world.

If you’re the kind of person who gets easily swayed or emotionally attached, look inwards, as it probably means you’re deeply insecure or desperate for a relationship, and you’re running away from your fears and insecurities. Once you have a great relationship with yourself, you will not even need to learn about red flags, as you can spot the superficialities from a distance.

When you also have a feeling of wholeness, you will not be seeking a relationship as an escape or as something that will make you whole, but you will be looking for it as an adventure where you share the deep love you have within you. So, as always, work on yourself and look inward before going on that first date, as that’s the only compass that cannot be misdirected.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.





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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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