Can You Really Ever Go Back to The Person You Used to Be Before the Narcissistic Abuse?

Can You Really Ever Go Back to The Person You Used to Be Before the Narcissistic Abuse? can you really ever go back to the person you used to be before the narcissistic abuse?
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

Today I’ll be answering this question: can you really ever go back to the person you used to be before the narcissistic abuse? Let’s say you were in an abusive romantic relationship for a couple of years. Then, after you leave, you’re like, “I just want to go back to what I used to be, what I used to be before the relationship, all those things.” And you really feel that it’s really, really impossible. Like, you can’t really go back. It’s not possible. Yeah, because logically, you cannot go back. Logically, you cannot go back. And actually, there’s nothing like going back to the person you used to be because healing is not going back to who you used to be. Healing is releasing the things you’ve accumulated from your relationships. Healing is dealing with the negative beliefs.

You would really think that the person you used to be before the relationship was someone with good boundaries, high self-esteem, but no, it doesn’t really work that way. Because if you really had those things, and if you really understood yourself on a deeper level, you would not really find yourself in a relationship where you seek constant validation. So, healing is not going back to who you used to be. Healing is becoming a different, empowered person. Becoming a person now who understands that there are people out there who will manipulate you. And becoming a person who understands that if you keep seeking validation or seeking ‘love’ from other people, or if you keep needing others for… or if you keep needing a relationship, or if I keep living with this state where you don’t have boundaries, you will attract people who will manipulate you. Or if you keep living with these superficial, like, loving superficial things, you’ll attract people who will give you those things and then manipulate you.

So, once you really understand that, once you really understand that, that is now growing. So, growing is not going back. Growing is looking back and then learning from all those things. Learning from the abusive relationship, and then also learning from before the abusive relationship. Like, what led you to that abusive relationship? Then you’re like, actually, I didn’t really know anything better. As in, I didn’t have boundaries. I didn’t understand anything about relationships. My parents hurried me to jump to get married and all those things. So, healing is becoming a better person by dealing with the negative beliefs you have about yourself. That whole aspect of going back is still keeping you stuck. And yes, it’s possible to heal, but not heal by going back, but to grow out of the pain by forcibly dealing with the things which the relationship has brought to the surface or dealing with the negative beliefs you’ve picked up from the relationship or the emotional baggage which you’ve picked up from all those kinds of relationships.

And it’s not really hard because as long as you are not concluding that the me I want to go to is back there, it becomes so easy. The moment you just investigate the problem from where you are now, not concluding that it’s because of that or that, it becomes easier to get to that place of finding yourself.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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