‘Boundaried’ but Still Attracting Toxic Relationships

‘Boundaried’ but Still Attracting Toxic Relationships ‘boundaried’ but still attracting toxic relationships
Photo by Tobias Tullius on Unsplash

Are you the self-proclaimed master of boundaries, having read books and attended workshops on the subject, and yet, you find yourself repeatedly ensnared in toxic relationships?

In a world that champions the concept of boundaries, it can be disheartening and confusing to find yourself caught in the toxic web of relationships despite being well-versed in the art of setting limits. You may feel like an imposter, boasting about being “boundaried” while secretly grappling with the shame and self-blame that arises from repeatedly attracting unhealthy relationships.

Let’s explore into the heart of this paradox and unravel the layers that contribute to this inner conflict. The truth is, knowing your boundaries intellectually is not enough; true transformation lies in embodying and living these boundaries from a place of genuine self-worth and authenticity.

Take Sarah, for instance, who believes she has a firm grasp on boundaries. She may speak up confidently about what she will and won’t tolerate, but when it comes to toxic relationships, her unwavering facade crumbles. She finds herself questioning her instincts, hesitating to voice her discomfort, and even feeling guilty for not being able to maintain the healthy boundaries she outwardly projects.

So, how does this happen?

Approaching boundaries from a place of fear can be likened to a homeowner building a brick wall around their house after thieves have already infiltrated. The walls serve to keep the thieves trapped inside, but they also prevent the homeowners from seeking help from the police. Similarly, when we set boundaries rooted in fear, we may inadvertently lock away our own vulnerabilities and prevent the positive aspects of support and love from entering our lives.

Consequences of Fear-Driven Boundaries

The notion of being “boundaried” and protecting oneself can sometimes lead to unintended consequences. While the intention is to safeguard our well-being, we may unknowingly isolate ourselves from the support and help we truly need. By rigidly holding onto fear-driven boundaries, we create a barrier that prevents us from seeking assistance and connecting with others in a meaningful way.

In our efforts to protect ourselves, we might find ourselves caught in a cycle of shame and self-criticism when toxic relationships persist. The fear of judgment and vulnerability can make us hesitant to seek help, perpetuating the belief that we must handle everything on our own.


Flush out the Thieves

The key to unlocking this riddle lies in addressing the root cause of our fears and insecurities before constructing walls around ourselves. Flush out the thieves that have robbed your life of peace and serenity — trauma, fear, and insecurities. Confronting and addressing these internal adversaries is the first step towards reclaiming your sense of self and building a foundation of healing and growth. By releasing their grip on your life, you open the door to embracing healthy boundaries, fostering self-compassion, and creating a life filled with authenticity and inner peace.

It’s important not to feel bad about ourselves for attracting boundary violators, as recognizing the need for boundaries is a significant step towards genuine growth. Embracing vulnerability and allowing ourselves to seek support will enable us to create a life filled with freedom and healthy boundaries, rather than boundaries built upon fear.

So, take heart and embark on the journey of healing your deep emotions. Embrace the process of growth and self-discovery, for it will lead you towards a life that is rich with authentic connections, self-love, and empowerment.

As you shed the layers of fear and embrace the power of healthy boundaries, you will experience a transformation that sets you free to live life to the fullest. Remember, it’s okay to be a work in progress; the path to true authenticity is a continuous journey of self-discovery and self-love.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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