Abusive Relationships: Should You Dare the Abuser?

Abusive Relationships: Should You Dare the Abuser? abusive relationship

When you’re in an abusive relationship or dealing with someone who is manipulative, it can be very tempting to dare them or challenge them to do or not do something. This urge to dare mostly arises because you’re angry, fed up, and you want to see them wriggle in fear. But is this really the best way to deal with them?

So, what does daring an abuser look like? It could be you getting in front of their face and yelling, “Go ahead, hit me! I dare you!” Or maybe it’s more subtle, like challenging them to be a better person. “I bet you can’t go a whole day without putting me down or without calling me those names.” Sometimes, it might even look like threatening them. “Try that again, and I’m calling the cops, or I will tell your parents!”

Empowering Aspect of Daring Them

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But it feels so good to dare them!” And yeah, for a while, it may feel really good and empowering to challenge them head-on, daring them to act against you. It can be that superhero moment where you’re finally facing the villain who’s been making your life a living hell.

In your mind, you may even see yourself standing tall, daring them to try their usual BS, imagining them trembling in their feet or finally realizing they can’t push you around anymore.

And let’s be honest — there’s also that part of you that’s been dying to do this for ages. Every time they put you down, called you those names, and made you feel small, a little voice in your head was constantly screaming, “Dare them!” So, when you finally do, it can feel like taking that deepest, most satisfying breath of life after being stuck underwater for way too long.

You might even daydream about their reaction. Maybe they’ll break down and apologize for everything they’ve done. Or maybe they’ll turn tail and run, and never to bother you again. In your fantasies, this is that moment everything changes in your relationship with them.

So, it can be empowering and thrilling to dare them, but here’s the catch, there’s a huge difference between daring them and standing up for yourself.

Standing Up for Yourself Against the Abuser Vs Daring the Abuser

So, daring an abuser is like poking a sleeping bear with a stick. Sure, it might give you that adrenaline rush for a few seconds, and you might even feel like a badass. But let’s be real — that bear’s going to wake up, and it’s going to be very pissed.

Daring is mostly an element of your ego and all those frustrations you have towards the abuser. When you act that way, you’re not even taking your own safety into account; you’re more focused on how they will react or wanting to see them suffer.

When you dare, it’s mostly about them and not you. You want them to feel something or even suffer a little, but you’re not really considering yourself in the picture.

Your ego might be screaming, “Do it! Show them who’s boss!” But that’s just your frustration talking, that part of you that’s sick and tired of being pushed around. It’s tempting, I know, but it’s not as wise as standing up for yourself.

Now, standing up for yourself is Now, standing up for yourself is a whole different ballgame. It’s like seeing that bear, acknowledging it could rip you to shreds or attack you, and calmly backing away to safety. It’s not about trying to challenge the bear and prove you’re badass; it’s about protecting yourself. Your authentic self, the part of you that values your peace and growth, knows this is the smarter move.

It might not give you that instant gratification or that pleasurable adrenaline rush, but it keeps you alive and kicking, ready to build a life where you don’t have to deal with bears at all.

You see the situation not through your tainted emotions, but with your boundaries in mind. When you stand up for yourself, you’re not just dealing with the abuser; you’re reaffirming your own worth and setting clear boundaries.

The actions may look similar to when you dare, but the goal is different. It’s more like telling them, “Hey, never do that to me again.” It’s about realizing that the best way to win isn’t by wrestling with the bear, but by getting the hell out of the forest or planning how to get out, even when your ego might be hurt.

It’s your decision, but daring is about them, and sometimes even your friends, especially when they don’t understand who you’re dealing with, may tell you to dare them.

Both May Have Same Reactions from Abuser

Here’s another thing to consider: both standing up for yourself and daring them may provoke similar consequences or reactions from the abuser simply because they dislike resistance. They thrive in environments where they control the narrative or where drama ensues.

However, when you stand up for yourself, you prioritize your safety and avoid getting entangled in their games. They might explode with rage or escalate their manipulation tactics, but by not playing into their hands, you avoid fuelling the fire.

Rules don’t apply when dealing with highly manipulative individuals, as you may hope they suddenly develop a conscience upon your assertiveness, but instead, they interpret your defiance as a challenge or justification to intensify their abusive behavior.

Therefore, always prioritize your safety and refrain from seeking to prove yourself as a superhero in their eyes. Be your own hero and take decisive steps to liberate yourself from the shackles of abuse. While daring them may seem tempting, channel that energy into freeing yourself instead. Remember, ‘muddy water is best left unstirred.’

They may have inflicted atrocious acts upon you, but it’s not your responsibility to ‘punish’ them. Focus on taking care of yourself and leaving the murky waters behind. You’ve got this; stay focused and stay safe.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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