9 COMMON Mistakes People Make When Dealing with Narcissists

9 COMMON Mistakes People Make When Dealing with Narcissists 9 common mistakes people make when dealing with narcissists
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Dealing with a narcissist or any serial manipulator in your life is challenging, and many people make mistakes when interacting. The narcissist in your life could be your coworker, your partner, your family, or anyone you have to deal with. Understanding some of the mistakes we make when handling a narcissist can help us navigate these difficult relationships and protect ourselves from their hurtful behaviors.

In this article, I will be sharing with you nine common mistakes you should avoid when dealing with narcissists in your life:

1. Trying to change them

One of the worst mistakes you can make when dealing with a narcissist is trying to change them or waiting for them to change their behavior. Narcissists are so deeply entrenched in their own worldview that they are not willing to acknowledge their undesirable behaviors. If you spend most of your time and energy trying to change them, maybe you need to realize that you’re the one who needs to change. True change only comes when someone takes full responsibility for their lives.

2. Taking their behavior personally

The other mistake is looking at their behaviors and actions as a reflection of who we are. The moment you look at their problems as if you’re the cause of them, you will get more frustrated and hurt. What they do stems from their distorted sense of self and their preoccupation with meeting their needs at the expense of others.

You may also believe that there is something you have to work on in yourself so that they can return to their good ways. You will blame yourself for their sudden behavior change and believe that it has something to do with you. Some of the common beliefs you may adopt include thinking that maybe you need to be a better communicator, validate them more, be thinner, forgive them more, or just anything that points to you as the one who made the narcissist change their behaviors.


3. Arguing with them

You cannot win an argument with someone who thrives in chaotic environments and always wants to win. Never argue with a narcissist; it’s unproductive because they crave power and control. When you argue with them, it’s like you’re giving them free bullets they can use to hurt you or manipulate you further.

They love provoking you so that they can get a reaction from you. That reaction will be used as ‘evidence’ of your craziness when they gaslight or smear you. The best way to win against them is not to engage in their power struggles.

4. Trying to reason with them

Narcissists are low in empathy, and they view the world very differently. They cannot see things from your own perspective. Trying to reason with them or convince them to see things from your point of view is pointless. You cannot force them to understand you or understand that some of their behaviors are hurtful. They will dismiss your perspective because they want to always be right. To them, being right supersedes the truth.

5. Giving in to their demands

Also, it is vital not to give in to their demands as it can reinforce their sense of entitlement, and it may even lead to further manipulation and control. Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self and a need for admiration and attention, which can lead them to believe that they are entitled to special treatment or privileges.

So, when you let one slide or constantly give them chances, it can reinforce this belief of entitlement and even encourage them to keep pushing your boundaries and manipulate others to get what they want. When you give in or don’t say “no,” it’s like telling them your boundaries are very shaky, and you will make perfect prey for them.

6. Expecting closure

When a narcissist finally discards you or closes the door on that relationship, the mistake most of you will make is expecting some form of ‘closure’ talk from the narcissist. They will not give you the answers you need, and the best thing to do is to find your closure from within. They will not provide the closure you want because of a number of reasons, like wanting to keep you as a source of supply.

7. Minimizing the abuse

The other mistake is rationalizing or downplaying some of their abusive behavior. You may tell yourself, “They’re not that bad” or “They don’t display all the signs of narcissism” or any other excuses aimed at preserving the relationship. The more you minimize the emotional abuse you’re being subjected to, the more your self-esteem is damaged, and the more you open the door to other forms of abuse.

This mistake is also tied to thinking that ignoring verbally abusive behavior is enough protection you need to keep yourself safe from the narcissist. We need to realize that just because those scars are not visible doesn’t mean they’re not hurting you on the inside.

8. Expecting reciprocation

A relationship with a narcissist is one-sided, and the mistake you will make is thinking that by sacrificing your needs or prioritizing them over yourself, they will reciprocate. That’s never the case, and the narcissist will drain every ounce of your energy without giving anything back. What they give back is negative energy that will leave you feeling frustrated and sad.

9. Overestimating your Ability to Deal with them

The last common mistake you may make is thinking that you can easily deal with them if you just understand narcissism. You may know all these things, but the narcissist knows which buttons to press in you, they know the vulnerabilities they can exploit to make you lower your boundaries. They know what triggers your deep insecurities and how they can get to you. You can’t truly ‘figure them out’ because some of your actions are unconscious, and your wounds are blinding your vision. Do not overestimate your ability to deal with them; they are skilled at what they do.


In conclusion, dealing with a narcissist is incredibly challenging, and without deep awareness, we may find ourselves making many mistakes when interacting with them. Even if you’re not in a relationship with one, you may encounter a narcissist in your circle of friends, family, or any other social setting. Since we are social beings and cannot live in isolation, avoiding these common mistakes and establishing healthy boundaries can help you navigate your relationships without much harm.

One last thing, always remember that you’re working on yourself not because there are narcissists who can manipulate you out there, but because you want to live a life of freedom and bliss. You’re not working on yourself to deal with narcissists or to attract healthy relationships (these are just byproducts); you’re working on yourself so that you can be at peace within yourself. When you’re at peace within yourself, you will be at peace with those around you. You will be at peace knowing that both narcissists and kindhearted people exist in the same planet, side-by-side.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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