7 Aspects of Healthy Self-Esteem and How it Ties in To Healthy Relationships or Avoidance of Toxic…

7 Aspects of Healthy Self-Esteem and How it Ties in To Healthy Relationships or Avoidance of Toxic… 7 aspects of healthy self-esteem and how it ties in to healthy relationships or avoidance of toxic…
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Self-esteem is the deep sense of self-worth and confidence in your ability to face life’s challenges. We’ll continue our exploration of the “6 Pillars of Self-esteem” by Nathaniel Branden, and today we’re going to explore the correlation between healthy self-esteem and healthy relationships or the avoidance of toxic relationships.

A healthy self-esteem is life-supporting and even improves the quality of your life. High self-esteem means that you have a strong sense of the richness deep within you. When you have high self-esteem, you’ll be less susceptible to toxic relationships, and even when you find yourself in one, you’ll easily find your way out.

Our level of self-esteem correlates with various aspects of our day-to-day life, and a healthy one will result in better survival, adaptiveness, and personal fulfillment. Prevention is better than cure, so if you build your self-esteem, you’ll enjoy your relationships, and you’ll even avoid toxic relationships.


  1. High Self-Esteem and Realism

Realism is the ability to distinguish between what’s real and what’s not. High self-esteem displays the ability to realistically assess what you can possibly do. This implies that we know our weaknesses and insecurities, and we willingly admit to ourselves how they can be used against us.

Also, you’ll be able to see someone for who they are without focusing too much on the potential they have. You’ll see their undesirable behaviors then and there, and you’ll realistically weigh if you still want to be in that relationship or not. With high self-esteem, you’re acting realistically, and you know that what’s within your control are just your own behaviors, not the behaviors of others.

In short, high self-esteem means you won’t invest in a relationship that you’ve already seen its downside in the early stages of dating because you’re well aware of the consequences. You’re just being realistic, not rationalizing.

2. High Self-Esteem and Intuitiveness

High self-esteem is all about trusting yourself and your thoughts. When you have high self-esteem, you will go with that gut feeling or intuition. Intuitiveness is the ability to trust those internal signals. When you have high self-esteem, you’ll have a high sensitivity to those internal signals. In the beginning of most toxic relationships, you’ll always have that gut feeling that something feels off, but you will choose to ignore it.

This is because you don’t trust yourself completely or you’re operating from a point of deep insecurity. If you have healthy self-esteem, you’ll pay keen attention to that gut feeling, and you will choose to either leave that relationship or slow things down because your mind has learned how to rely on itself.

3. High Self-Esteem and Independence

With high self-esteem, you’re taking full responsibility for your own existence, which means realizing your goals in life and your own happiness. You’re not waiting for someone to provide you with happiness or to build those dreams for you.

You just take full initiative to realize them because you’re autonomous. This means that you’ll not fall for grandiosities and flattery from another human being who wants to use you to meet their needs. You’ll not be seeking a relationship to meet your unfulfilled needs because you’ve already met those deep needs on your own or you’re taking the steps to meet them.

You will not be susceptible to love bombing, flattery, or all those promises because you know you can achieve them on your own. It’s more about being content with yourself and not looking for someone to complete you or support you internally.


4. High Self-Esteem and Flexibility

Flexibility is the ability to respond to change without clinging to the past. When you’re not willing to let go of the past, it just shows that you’re deeply insecure and lack self-trust. It’s more like being anchored in an illusion (the past) instead of the present (you).

So, when you feel that the relationship you’re about to invest in is going nowhere or you’ve seen some early red flags, instead of continuing your investment in it, you stop investing and look for a way out. With low self-esteem, you become complacent because you cannot cope with the new perspective of that relationship.

High self-esteem means you’re open to seeing, and you’ll not turn a blind eye to a sinking ship; you’ll abandon the ship and then your thinking turns to “What can I learn from this?”.

5. High Self-Esteem and Ability to Admit Mistakes

The main concept of self-esteem is that facts take precedence over being ‘right’. Self-trust is tied to respect for the reality of the situation and correcting any errors. When you make mistakes, you just see the truth of the matter and admit your wrongdoings without being defensive or denying the facts.

You just admit and take the necessary steps to correct them. So, when you find that your relationship is not working, instead of sweeping things under the rug, you just admit that you were wrong about them without feeling ashamed, guilty, or regretful. High self-esteem admits its errors and takes the steps to either correct that relationship or leave the relationship because it is not working.

You’re not ashamed of coming out and sharing with your loved ones that your relationship is toxic and you want out. You will not preserve a relationship that’s not working just to hold onto your position of being ‘right’. When you have low self-esteem, you get defensive, live in denial, or feel guilty because of your deep insecurity. The feeling of being ‘right’ is your anchor instead of the truth.

6. High Self-Esteem and a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

The relationship you have with yourself is mostly a mirror of the relationship you have with others. This is because the relationship is flowing from the same source (you; you’re at the center of it all). When you treat yourself with respect, other people will treat you with respect.

With high self-esteem, you’re centered within yourself, secure with your own boundaries, confident in your right to say yes and no when you want to. You’re vulnerable without feeling the need to build a fortress to protect yourself from others.

With deep security, you’re free to live a life where you feel unthreatened by others because you know you deserve it. You will not allow someone to disrespect you or walk over you as they wish because that would mean you’re disrespecting yourself.

When you have high self-esteem, you’re just secure, and you don’t even need to look in the mirror to remind yourself; it’s just an automatic aspect of your being. You don’t need external validation or a crutch to remind you of your worthiness because you’re deeply secure. In short, high self-esteem is equivalent to a healthy relationship with yourself (inner world). High self-esteem will not subject itself to an unhealthy relationship.

7. High Self-Esteem and Ability to Manage Change

With healthy self-esteem, you do not find change frightening, you just have a faster reaction time to the changing situation. You’ll not be doubtful of your ability to pull it off. So, when you find yourself in a toxic relationship or when you spot the red flags, you’ll just be sure that if you leave you’ll still manage it on your own. The challenge may look tough but you’ll not shy away from it and stick to that relationship, you’ll just be ready to face those challenges because deep inside you know you can manage and you trust your ability to face those challenges.


High self-esteem is a very important aspect when building relationships. It will keep you away from toxic relationships, and at the same time, it will enable you to build healthy and rich relationships. With high self-esteem, compassion will be an automatic by-product because you don’t feel threatened by the actions of another.

You’ll not be fearful of people using you to meet their needs because you’re so sure of yourself (on the inside). When you’re deeply secure, you’ll live a life of freedom without building walls. There will be harmony between what’s inside you and what you project on the outside.

When you find that healthy relationship, you’ll be sharing what you have deep inside. In conclusion, work on your self-esteem, and you’ll keep toxic partners away from your life. Most of these concepts have been drawn from the book “6 Pillars of Self-esteem,” which I highly recommend, but now I’ve explored the correlations with healthy relationships.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.


  1. Branden, N. (1994) in The six pillars of self-esteem. New York, NY: Bantam, pp. 44–48.
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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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